Unfortunate relationships wit my 2 adult children
I have a 45 year old son and a 44 year ld daughter-I am 66 years old-female.
I never ever intended situation to turn out as it did. Growing up at first as I phrase it I had a mother but once my step father entered the scene it was like I lost the mother I knew her to be. She never abused me but she became extremerly over protective and wanted me wit her at all times. I guess her knowing my step father was abusing me yet she never stood up for me which again I guess it was due to her own abuse she received by her dad growing up. However once my ex entered the picture she took every step to stand up on my behalf wit him
Due to my own abuse although my daughter and I were close I unfortunatly became the abuser to my son which caused us to become estranged but lately many years later we are communicating again via text and calls yet he wont visit and I cant wit him as he wont give me his address.
To move forward in 2007 my daughter moved in wit a woman her partner. The woman is very abusive and controlling wit pieces in her of being narcissi. She looks for everything to go her way. I visit every so often as I wanna see my daughter and granddaughter and to be frank I dont trust the woman around my daughter and granddaughter she has stolen and broken stuff of my daughters dat both she and I bought for her. My daughter no longer has love for her and going by what the girl said to me she too feels the same way yet when my daughter tried to leave twice she did her all to stop it from happening. She has criticized our entire family which has made my daughter and I argues wit her. She has gone out to people to lie and make my family look bad.
My son when I told him he asked why does my daughter crash wit her and I told him she is doing what many do when abused-I know I sure did it I kept going back til I got strangled and left. Here I almost lost my life befoah I went and left.
My daughter is aware I worry bout her but she has argued wit me wit in the past year and told me several times she didnt Wanna me here in the home which hurts tremendously. It almost feels like she literally hates me which I did reveal to her how I felt. She use to invite me to go places wit her-not all the time but occasionally and now not only will she no longer invite me but wont even come in the room I am at to Chat, say hello or to check up on me as I have epilepsy. I love her deeply and literally would give up my life to save her from being harmed as I would my granddaughters( I have 3-2 are my sons)I never wanna know either of them got hurt. The girl made very serious accusations against my daughter and I and despite my daughter paying her part of the rent not only is the girl behind by 6 months but has called the police on my daughter a few times as well as one time she called on me and tried getting landlord to make me leave. The girl has revealed both to my daughter, granddaughter who is 10 years old as well as someone they know out in the town She revealed she doesnt Wanna me here which I tend to feel the girl has been pressuring my daughter to get rid of me and I know for fact she spoke to my granddaughter as I over heard the conversation.
Both my daughter and I did call protective services but they never showed up but instead asked me to take charge to make sure my granddaughter was ok so I have been wit them now for a little over a year.
My health isnt too great and has caused me not to see my doctors for awhile as I am unable to get to them but I fear the girl will do somethin’ serious to my daughter and grand and both my daughter and I tend to get this vibe the girl is doing what she can to take my granddaughter away from my daughter. She rarely allows my daughter to be the parent-she takes over and my daughter has many times complained how she lost my granddaughters earlier years due to not being able to exercise being the parent.
I have suggested as well as my daughter suggested for the girl to get help as its seems obvious she has a mental illness combined wit health issues and occasionally drinks. She doesnt drink as often as she once did but when she does her behavior changes a lot yet it isnt a lot she drinks. The minute she puts it to her mouth she starts up. I would like for my daughter and I to find a place to live together but wit all thats happened she wants to live only wit her daughter. So between this situation and another situation I wrote in another thread/community its been a lot on my shoulders.
@humorousTiger9410
I can tell you love your daughter. It's unfortunate the girl is getting in the way of your friendship with your daughter.
I hope everything thing works out. Thanks for sharing..🌲
@AsherTree Thing too I see as unfortunate despite situations being different both my son and daughter fell into the same path I once was in. I never meant it to happen. Unfortunately for me it was all I knew. I began getting abused at 9 years old and it stopped 24 years later. By time I entered a day treatment program I was beyond broken and beyond repair yet wit a good team of people in program they allowed me a life I never could have imagined had I not been in this specific program.
@humorousTiger9410
That's great that you got away from abuse and recovered. It must've been a terrible road to recovery..🌲
@AsherTree Definetly. Sadly when I first got in program staff had no hope for me as I was in such bad shape but towards the end and much patience by the staff and support from clients it was learned at a party I had ended up being their greatest success stories. I look back and reflect on stuff and often ask myself how in the world did I crash wit a man taht nearly took my life. It took for strangulation to take place to get me afraid enough to leave. I later asked him what made him do it. I thought at least I would get an apology but his answer was he didnt recall doing it to me. I am just so sad what my son had to endure all cuz I didnt know better and get help sooner than what I did.
@humorousTiger9410
You have been to *** and back it seems. Live and learn!
I wouldn't of known what to do either.. getting beatings suck.. now you can help your son heal, it's just the start of the new you..🌲
@AsherTree So true and I have no issues leaving if someone is abusive towards me but I must admit when its my family being abused I get scared and will crash to be certain they arent harmed. So it can get difficult.
@humorousTiger9410
it makes sense that you feel overwhelmed. From everything you wrote, it sounds like you care deeply about your children but you are also being pulled into situations that are painful and draining for you. One thing that stands out is that you cannot force your daughter or son to make the choices you hope for, even though you love them and want to protect them. Right now, it may help to focus on what is still within your control, like caring for your own health, keeping communication as calm as possible, and being a steady presence without taking the full weight of everyone’s lives onto your shoulders.
@Seanfu520 I can in many ways agree wit what ya said but what does cause an issue. I had been abused most of my life and sure I have done a lot of work on myself but when I see it being done to my daughter I am like oh *** no I refuse to stand by watch someone abuse her and do nuttin to help her. Like myself I was strangled one time where it was done twice to her by 2 different people. The first one did it in my presence so of cause I intervened where as the second one I was not there. Now that Iam no longer being abused its like I can see abuse so much clearer than I ever did. Just like my son a so call friend punched him so hard the friend broke his jaw he had to have a plate plate to put it together. I told my son call the police but unfortunatly he wouldnt as he stated due to the friends mother allowing him to spend the night in the home he didnt wanna cause trouble. As of today he has dropped like 80% of the friends he once had and has maybe now 2 friends he had befoah.
@Seanfu520 I do love them. I wish I could go back and change the things I did wrong to them but unfortunatly life doesnt work like dat. But what I can do and have been trying my best to do is to be the best I can be and do the best I can for them. So far within the past year my son once last year I messaged to see if he would allow me to call him and his response was yes. Then bout a month ago we been messaging each other pretty frequent as well as he has picked up the phone to give me a call so in some ways it is changing where he is concerned. he was the most hurt as a child but as someone said while he was being distant was for me to give him time and space. It was hard for me to do dat. I still messaged him every so often but now it seems to be getting better. Now I wanna work on my daughter as well as work on her and my son as they too have been estranged from each other for a few years and they once were exceptionally close when they were little so I would like them both to know they have each other. I know my daughter wants it but due to certain things he has done in his past she places certain conditions on him and her communication when she talks can be harsh despite her meaning well.
