When the toxicity is too much....
Family dynamics can be really really really difficult. As I entered my mid-20's, I realized that I could choose to continue to allow my family's toxic behavior to be part of my life or not. I love my family, but sometimes their negativity, bullying and harsh outlook on life is just too much. I chose to step back and not be as involved with my family for my own mental health. There are times when I wish things could be different and then there are times when I am so thankful that I am able to make this choice. Family is so important, but at what cost to our mental health?
-Has anyone else made the purposeful decision to step back from a toxic family?
-Has anyone been able to find other ways to cope with these toxic blood related relatives?
@halcyonCloud2036
Hey there!
I understand what you are describing in regards to families. I think we all have things about our families that drives us nuts. Each family is unique in dynamics.
I personally decided years ago to pick and choose which family gatherings that I would attend and which ones I would not. By allowing my wants and needs guide my choices (instead of guilt or obligation), I was able to release a lot of tension and frustration on my part.
I also set boundaries for when I did get together with family. Over time, my family has learned to respect the boundaries that I've set with them. This has allowed for equal respect between us and has made for more pleasant get togethers.
I hope that something I've said has help 😊
~ Sher
I made the the conscious decision of narrowing the idea of family to my mom and my sister. It was a gradual drifting away, but this action was not something I have come to regret as the years went by. I started distancing myself from my extended family in college and now that I am in my early 30s, the scant times I have seen them in perfunctory gatherings always reminded me of why I made that decision in the first place. At times, I recall how the holidays were when I was younger and I yearn to go back to those simpler times, but I understand that the person I am is not a person that would be happy in their midst, regardless of how much DNA we shared. And that is okay.
Since moving out to live with my partner, I have chose not to visit my mum at her house as its too triggering (she is a hoarder and i grew up in a dangerous hoarding environment). I will see her anywhere else but there. I feel guilty because because know she needs needs help. But I cannot help her because of the trauma I gained from growing up living with her. I feel better knowing that i don't have to go there, but i can still see her elsewhere. It's just the guilt I'm working on now...