weird conflict with my mom
this is gonna sound very weird. i have an incredibly loving, caring and supportive mother, and i know i'm very very blessed. however, we tend to argue.. this has lessened a lot as i've grown older (i'm 21 now) but there's something that causes conflict that is going to sound kinda weird on text.
so, my mom is very affectionate physically and we hug and kiss each other a lot, which is great. however, sometimes she starts tickling me, and i'm really bad at controlling my hands when i'm tickled, can't help it. so i often end up hurting her, like accidentally squeezing her arm too hard or usually one of my nails scratches her (she has really sensitive skin so even a slight scrape shows on her skin) and then she gets upset.
today this happened for probably the 20th time (at least) and i feel horrible and incredibly frustrated after because i'm always begging her to stop while she's doing it and every time i end up scratching her. we always get into a huge fight afterwards where i end up being rude because i'm so frustrated and then she yells that she's sorry and i get frustrated because it's my fault not hers and i obviously don't want an apology i just want her to stop tickling me when i'm asking her to please stop. this has happened so many times now...
i know this probably sounds ridiculous, but since i often end up hurting her a little and i feel terrible about myself it's serious. we've had this conversation so so many times where she says she'll stop but she eventually does it again.
@sincereSky93
Hi! That sounds a bit upsetting, that she refuses to stop when you ask her to? It sounds like you have become aware of the whole process that happens, starting with tickling and leading to a fight. But maybe she is not conscious of that at the time. And so the tickling seems like fun.
I would like to say well done for noticing the connection at the time, and making a decision to try to change things, as they really aren't working. Are you able to walk away when she does this? Leave the area/room, go out, busy yourself with something else?
Maybe try to figure out what needs of hers she is trying to meet by doing this? 20 times a day sounds like a lot. Is she lonely, bored, or maybe fearing abandonment, feeling insecure, or something? Are there other activities you do together that might meet those needs for her?
Thank you for sharing and it’s great you made it known that’s a boundary of yours, but it seems as if she doesn’t understand or fully accept that this is a boundary for you. In the moment when emotions are high, it can be difficult to listen to each other, but if this is still a concern for you, it can be productive to communicate this boundary with empathy and when you are both calm. Of course, it can be difficult to bring up an issue of yours with a parent, but you deserve to have your boundaries respected.
