1yr Post
Hi all,
I am 1 year post partum and struggling. I thought it'd be different. That I would be back able to take care of myself and be a person. Before having my son I was an avid crafter and gamer who took fairly decent care of themselves.
Now I wake up, make breakfast for him and do all his morning stuff- diaper, clothes, etc, then I'm clocking into work. I work from home, and am so lucky that my husband (B) does as well and we can keep our son home. B is primary caregiver as I work on the phones, but they stay mostly in the same area and we chat throughout the day. Little one is very much momma's boy and will run off to me any chance he gets. I love this, but it's means there is no break during the day.
After work, I'm right back on full mom duties and he's near physically attached to me the rest of the day, until we go to bed. B is amazing and handles a lot of the cooking and some cleaning. But it's never ending. Any small time I get when son is playing or I can get him down for a nap, I'm cleaning or taking over cooking to give B a break.
Thankfully weve have maintained my bathing schedule but that's literally it. I don't have time to get ready in the morning, I don't have time to properly clean the house...it's a good day if I get to brush my teeth. I have zero time to even think about doing something just for the joy of it.
I love my son so so much and wouldn't take a second back. I'm just so tired and feel like I don't even exist. We live in a different state than anyone we know and as we both work from home, making friends has been impossible. Though it's also just never been my strong suit. I have 1 friend, the first I ever made in Pre-K, no others have lasted longer than a class, or job. My husband is much better with people and has many friends. They meet frequently to game and play dnd, as he stays up hours after the little one and I have gone to bed. This unfortunately also means he struggles to understand why I'm struggling so hard. He added a kid to his life, my life has become being a mom.
Son is still feeding at night and I have no intentions of stopping breastfeeding. He eats best at night, especially now that teeth have come in so I don't want to drop those feeds. I know that is part of the problem as well, since I have to go to bed earlier to make up for the time I'll be up at night and just the physical drain on my body but I enjoy it so much and it's so good for him. Its been one of the best and most comforting parts of the last year.
I don't know if I am seeking advice or solidarity. Maybe I just needed to write it out and cry. Either way, if you got this far, thanks for your time.
@LostCat94
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability.
You are going through alot, I'm in awe of you, a great mother and wife, and working too.
You are amazing.
I know it's so difficult but it's important you even find one hour a week doing something that is just about you.
Your feelings outside of being a mother and wife matter too 💜💖
You are welcome to rant here, just to get it off your chest. Being a mother is kind of a never-ending responsibility... the responsibilities change with time, especially when your son grows up. Thanks be to God you have a loving partner who helps you ❤️ otherwise it would have been much harder. I am also a mama's girl and would want my mom to be around all the time. even right now but I have some small acceptance that mom has to go to work. small, but I still want her around physically around me. But what mom did was ignore my requests for her to stay and cries so she could go to work and I would just get quiet watching Tom and Jerry on TV.
What helped the most for me as a mama's girl is to be distracted. I am entrained constantly by Tom and Jerry as a kid, and now youtube, hobbies, and learning stuff. I learned to entertain myself. If your kid is occupied, it is not that they love you less when they are, keeping the kid occupied gives them that space to be responsible for their own time while you are busy. They have to be taught and earn how to entertain themselves and accept that some things won't ever go their way like constantly getting attention.
You may not have any friends, but your son is your friend. He is more than a simple friend but a family who will love you until death, but what you are lacking is connection with another adult to understand your situat in a deeper manner. Someone who can sympathize with you. Someone who shares the same burden. Like, "your husband is a parent too but he has many friends, so why can't you?" sort of thing. but, really, you just lack opportunity and an environment to make those friends (and time). Maybe online *** groups for moms would help? like mom support groups on fb maybe?
@LostCat94
Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you're quite overwhelmed and it's completely understandable to feel that way. It's so difficult to care for someone else when you are struggling yourself. We are here to support you!
