Communication with Adults Kids Can Be Hard!

I’m struggling with communication with my adult son. Whenever life gets tough for him or he’s going through something, our conversations often turn painful. He says things that make me feel like I wasn’t a good mother — as if he’s forgotten everything I did for him. He’ll tell me I’ve never done anything for him, and hearing that breaks my heart.

I don’t always know how to handle it or how to respond in a way that helps. He’s now a father to a two-month-old baby girl, and I worry about what she’s being exposed to when he and her mother have loud arguments. I don’t want that environment to become her normal or for her to grow up thinking that’s what love looks like.

I’m also trying to find peace within myself — to stop carrying guilt for what I couldn’t provide when I was a young single mom. I know in my heart that I did the best I could, but when he says hurtful things, it makes me question myself all over again.

He swings between telling me I was the best mom in the world and then turning around and saying I never did anything for him. I wish I knew how to encourage him to seek mental or emotional help, because I truly believe he’s struggling. More than anything, I want him to get a handle on his emotions so that he can be healthy, balanced, and build a peaceful home for his own family.

Right now, I just feel lost about how to communicate with him in a way that doesn’t end with both of us hurting — and I want to find a way to heal from the guilt and pain that these interactions keep bringing up.