Coping with the holidays
How do you all cope with the holidays with toxic family?
I usually don't travel to my parents for Thanksgiving. I may spend it with my roommates.
Christmas is the hardest because it involves potentially staying with my parents in another state where I won't have my car and will be stuck with them. Last year I chose not to go as my brother wasn't going. I need to ask if he is going this year or not. I am considering staying in an AirBnB, but I wonder if I would be able to get a lyft/cab on xmas/xmas eve and if that would be thoroughly inconvenient/awkward.
I hate feeling like every year I just brace myself for feeling miserable on christmas and only being there due to a sense of obligation. I actually really like christmas stuff, songs, movies etc and I wish I had people who actually made me happy to spend it with. If I could see my cousin maybe it would be nice.
@Daydreamer47 toxic people can ruin many potentially good events. I've been on occasions where I wished I had better, more caring and genuine people around. But life is what it is. We don't have control over others. We can only control ourselves. So we can choose to feel happy regardless of how others treat us. We can enjoy the small delights of good food and fancy decorations. We can enjoy the weather. We can enjoy the good energy radiating within us and hope it can influence others around us. Maybe one day we will have a right group of people where we will feel totally at ease. There is much to appreciate in less-than-perfect situations.
@Creamyyy hmm I see what you are saying about trying to enjoy little things about the holidays by myself. However, I think I need to set boundaries around abusive behaviors and maybe stay in a hotel/airBnB to have a safe space for myself. Maybe this time I will go so that I can see my aunt/cousins but tell my mom that if my parents continue to fight in front of us/in the car and won't go to couples counseling, then I won't be going next year.
@Daydreamer47 setting boundaries is a good idea. I need to learn and apply it too.
@Daydreamer47
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@Daydreamer47
I think more people then you imagine have the same experience...... many people dread and fake their way through holidays as well...
like another poster wrote we only have control over ourselves.
I find Obligation is the worst reason to do anything ........and every time i do things that i feel are just an obligation it goes badly. I hope whatever you decide you go in with a happy outlook and can enjoy even something small about the time.
@toughTiger6481 Well last year I didn't go at all. I don't know if that is something that I can keep doing though. The AirBnB may be a decent option, albeit awkward but it would help me feel like I have a buffer from my parents' abuse/fighting/control for my own emotional safety.
Honestly, I feel you.
The holiday season is always hard for me. Seeing everyone happy in a relationship while I’m stuck at work and school is really hard. Especially my friends, they are all in relationships while I’m here everyday getting ready for work.
I just go to work for Christmas. It helps with what’s on my mind. I grew up in a toxic family where everytime there was a holiday, especially around this time, there was always some sort of argument around. I love the Holidays as well. Seeing the lights, drinking hot coco and doing holiday activities but I this year, has taken a big toll on my life and I don’t have nobody to spend it with no more.
@Daydreamer47
That sucks that you grew up in that kind of environment, I hate arguing of any kind and avoid it at all costs because arguing makes me very nervous. I have a friend or 2 who's family situation sounds similar to your's because it seems like when one of the parents are around their ALWAYS arguing with each other.
Is it just your parents who contribute to the arguing? Have you or would you be confortable bringing up to them how uncomfortable you are because of their behavior? I know you stated that you feel obligated to visit them around the holidays but would it be possible to celebrate the holidays without your parents? Like meet up with just your cousin and or brother instead of forcing yourself too stay with your parents because you want to see your other family members?