Going No Contact with My Parents

Hi everyone. Despite the title implying some pretty heavy decisions, I am happier than I have been in FIFTEEN YEARS. I am 31 yo and have had some crazy familial drama in the past 3 years that opened up a ton of old wounds regarding emotional and physical abuse as a child.

One year ago, I told my parents I needed time away from them, but in hindsight, I realize this was time I was allowing them to reflect on the situation.

Come late October, they reached out to me and asked to speak and I naively thought "maybe this is their apology." I was wrong. Instead, they wanted to know what was wrong, as though I hadn't explained it a million times before.

The conversation ended poorly and I told them "I want an apology or I want you out of my life."

The next week, my mom called and cheerfully asked me to come to Thanksgiving. This is her thing: she acts like nothing is wrong (like I'll just get over 30 years of abuse) and then acts all offended when I tell her no... I'm not spending Thanksgiving with you.

Then my dad texts me asking me to watch their dog while they go on vacation. I almost just gave in because the dog is the only empathetic creature in their home, but I said no.

He reached out to me two more times to ask me to watch the dog, telling me if I don't do it, they'll have to cancel their trip and they can't get their money back... like it's my fault. (They love to guilt me into things) I stood my ground. NO.

I asked for an apology explicitly and they not only blatantly ignored it, they had the audacity to ask me to do them a favor!!

Then my dad starts sending me photos of him and I when I was a child, smiling as I sat in his lap. He took a picture of a card I gave him where I had written "I'll always love you." Clear and obvious manipulation.

I've been in the habit of googling these situations and found that this isn't so rare. One person explained that manipulators do this because they are reminded of a time when I couldn't fight back and that made a lot of sense to me.

At 31, I'm done fighting back. They don't deserve it. I'm learning to love myself for the first time ever. I'm done worrying about what they think of me. I'm done trying to make them change when they are incapable of understanding.

I feel freer and happier than I have since I was a teenager. I'm only writing this because I hope it helps anyone else who might be in a similar situation. Know that letting go is the first step to being a happier, more whole YOU.