New here - Breaking the Cycle and Finding My Voice — Call Me Sol
Hi, I’m RagingSolacePineapple, but you can call me Sol (like “soul”).
I’m 29 and coming out of years of trauma, and one of the hardest things I’ve had to face is realizing just how deep the damage runs in my family. I was raised by my grandmother—my mama figure—and while I know she did what she could, she also silenced me in painful ways. She tore pages out of my journal as a child. I think she knew how powerful my voice was even back then.
Now that I’m older, I’m trying to understand—not to stay stuck in the past, but to move forward and finally break the cycle. My family has deep emotional and mental wounds, and I don’t want to keep carrying that forward. I’m in outpatient therapy and slowly learning what healthy relationships look like, not ones built on trauma.
Music has always been my shield. It protected me through so much. Now, as I heal, I listen to those same songs and finally hear the weight of what I survived. I keep telling myself: none of this was my fault.
I know I’m not the only one navigating family trauma. If you’ve been through something similar, how did you start to build a new identity outside of the roles your family put you in?
Thanks for holding space.
— Sol
@RagingSolacePineapple
Hi, Sol,
Breaking the cycle is a powerful act. You’re doing it by posting here. Everyone who previously stuffed down our voice or expression due to being traumatized, is making a statement by speaking up.
Some things that happened or are happening are unspeakable. Or, perhaps we might be embarrassed to speak of them, because, perhaps, of fear (fear of being heard? fear of backlash? fear that any tormentors can seize on our distress? credible fear that we can make it worse for ourselves or a loved one?).
However, when we speak out, as you are doing in your eloquent passage, we are taking up space! We are exercising our voice, our expression, however that looks, whether it be through writing, yelling, speaking, sign language, or through creating art or music, or dancing.
This space here is endless and there are so many opportunities, especially now, to become more fully human, for breaking the cycle.
You have sparked some thoughts in me, and for that I thank you!
With Love and Courage,
Bud
Thank you so much Bud, for the kind words and encouragement that means a lot more than you know, and I’m glad I am able to spark some thoughts in for you and no need to thank me.
Hi Sol,
I think it's great that you're trying to move forward from a traumatic past, I understand it can be difficult. I've had to distance myself from most of my family, and it sucks to realize that the people (who were) closest to you are the ones causing you such pain. Especially if they refuse to see it themselves, much less do something about it and work on themselves.
Thankfully, I've been fairly independent from a young age (probably because of self-parenting), so distancing myself meant more freedom rather than removing a part of my life I wish I could keep. I ended up cutting some people out completely, and from then on I paid more attention to my needs rather than what they wanted me to focus on, which just wasn't healthy.
I studied what I wanted to, chose the jobs I wanted, and generally just the life I wanted, all the while reminding myself that it's not my fault how other people decided to treat me, and that I deserve to be happy with the life I have and make my own decisions. I ignored comments and messages, and mostly stood firm on the boundaries I set. My identity was clear to me, it was only after I decided to sever ties that I could actually try and live it.
I also fully agree that music is one of the best things we can use to help heal ourselves! Whenever I listen to old songs, I realize how far I've come, how different my life is now and that many of the bad feelings I had to cope with are a thing of the past.
@RagingSolacePineapple I suffered 34 years of my life wit not bein’ able to done a voice as well as not bein’ allowed to feel my feelings an be able to even identify what I was feeling a specific feeling or emotion. I had absolutely no idea what dey were. I got over it by someone who knew me an knew what I was living wit finally suggesting I go to therapy. At first I started individual therapy when dat did’nt work da therapist directed me to a day treatment program(C.D.T.P) where working wit 7 therapists weekly who gave me their full support an for da first time I had people who believed in me even when I did not. Dey gave my group members tools weekly to work on both in groups as well as when we were out living out our every day life allowing me to heal an I get da chance to bring myself more healing when I talk to people here on cups as a listener an as a member.
