Parenting an adult can be hard
I am experiencing some conflict with my family with myself and my 25-year-old daughter who is having a hard time letting go of my mistakes that I made when I myself was a young parent and I had no idea what I was doing and now have younger children, and a marriage that came after my older daughter‘s father, and she feels as though my younger children are getting the life that she didn’t get and I don’t know how to navigate this or how to create boundaries when she begins to say mean and hurtful things because she is unable to see the growth in me and the attempts that I am making to try and create better and new relationships with my older children including her
@impartialWheel9079 I’m going through the same with my 19 year old son. I struggled to raise him but eventually I got my life together. When I had his sister I was more stable and able to provide a little more comfort. However, he feels like he didn’t get the love I give her and that he missed out. Despite his feelings, the facts are that I love them both equally but they are too different children. I pushed him just as hard as I push her but he rebelled more thus creating his own failures and blamed me. I don’t know you to your situation entirely but you can only be responsible for your actions and your truths. Then you apologize if your actions warrant one and move on. The your daughter can’t hold this over your head. You are an individual that is responsible for you own mistakes and by taking responsibility for them that is your growth. You don’t own her anything more than that. She has to come to a place that she can understand that we as people we will make many mistakes in life but we learn from them and grow. Hold your head up!
Thank you so much. It feels good to know that I’m not the only one experiencing this. It feels good to hear you say that it’s okay to forgive myself. Thank you!
@impartialWheel9079 of course! You’re not alone.
@impartialWheel9079 Hi ImpartialWheel9079. Thank you for sharing. This definitely is a complex situation, but that's okay. Both parties, you and your daughter's feelings are completely valid, as both are painful. Definitely explaining to your daughter in a mature manner of the things that happened in your life, where keeping some information to yourself is definitely okay. I imagine it can be healing for you to spend some special time with your daughter. Although it may take time and your daughter may find it difficult at first, things will change. Just a bit of persistence. Good luck and just as a reminder, everything is going to be okay.
@impartialWheel9079
It clearly seems that you have come a long way in your life, growing, healing and transforming into a better person. The way it looks like here to me is that the anger and frustration of your daughter is completely valid, this isn't something you can make her understand, it's something that she needs to get in terms with at her own pace. Look at it from her point of view, no matter what you do right now, she lost her childhood in some way. It's a deep psychological wound for her. At this time more than your words, your actions will effect her and I'll take time. It's not something you can rush with.
If you want to connect and talk, you can text me anytime.
Thank you for sharing 💗
Thank you all so much. This helps me see things from different points of view. This helps me see her side of things. Thank you!
@impartialWheel9079 It sounds like you’re in a really tough spot with your daughter, and I totally get how challenging that can be. It’s hard to have the past brought up when you’re trying to move forward. It’s clear that you care about your daughter and want to build a better relationship with her. Maybe try having an open conversation with her about how you both feel. Let her know that you understand her feelings, but also express how proud you are of the growth you’ve made as a parent. Setting boundaries is tough, but it’s important for your well-being too. You can gently remind her that hurtful comments aren’t helpful and that you’re trying your best to create a positive environment for everyone. Healing takes time, and it sounds like you’re committed to this journey. Keep doing what you can to show your love and support for her while also recognizing your own growth. You’re not alone in this, and hopefully over time, she will start to see the changes you’re making. :)
