Toxic mother troubles
Hello, I'm new here and I feel like this app may help me too, I am a mother to 1 little boy and I am currently living with my mother.
So.. my mum has decided to be very different with me after the last 2 years or so and it's all because of my partner.
We will go back to 2021 at Christmas time, it was all my siblings there and they all knew I was expecting as I told them before christmas. We were having our dinner and my older brother started talking about how messy my bedroom was and threatened me that if I didn't clean it he will trash it and I would have to clean everything all up, now my motto was if you can't see it it's not your issue. But for some reason apparently I have him some sort of attitude and he ran me up the stairs, my mum followed behind himannd tried getting in-between me and him and she did and told HIM to calm down, he then stormed off saying I ruined his Christmas, but yet I was the one left upstairs barracaded in my bedroom until he went home. My mum then came back and tried getting into my room and she was going to help me and I said that I will do it myself whilst still crying, at this point I was hysterical. I eventually let her in after her trying to force her way in and she gave me a hug and said sorry and all I asked was why did she open her mouth and she didn't know why she did it.
Fast forward to July 2022, when my beautiful baby boy was born we went back to my mum's house as she said for us to love there until we found somewhere to live which was fine and we were all happy, but for some strange reason my mum turned on my partners back and I'm not sure why, I've asked her multiple times and she lists that he's lazy and he doesn't do anything and leaves it for me to do which isn't true considering she's at work when he is off so she only sees me doing things around the house, again, tried explaining this to her but she didn't want and doesn't want to hear it.
And now hes here all she has been doing is telling me how to parent, I know what I'm doing I have worked with kids his age so I know what to look out for unless it's medical as she works along side paramedics and that would be the only time I go to her for any help, when it comes to clothes she tells me what age to get, it's that kind of stuff. I feel like I can't escape her.
Myum didn't do this with any of my siblings as they were able to get away from it and because I'm not financially stable to move out and yes im on a waiting list I have to wait.
Everything I do is wrong according to her but she doesn't like being in the wrong, she hardly says sorry when she is wrong and doesn't realise how much me and my partner do for her.. even when he's at work she has ago at me for it like what am I ment to do?
Sorry I just needed to rant
@Cutcactua123
Its important to rant and get it off your chest 🥰 It's not easy living with a parent as an adult because we all become set in our own ways and have our own ideas about how we do things. It sucks that you are on a waiting list but if this is the only option available to you, pick your battles, try to conserve your energy and not react to everything, you know you are a good mother and your child is loved, focus on that and im sure your mother loves you and the nagging mostly comes from a good place. With your partner, I know it's hard when family members take us for granted, but let him know you appreciate him and in the end that's what matters, wishing you all the best 💜🥰
Oh cutcactua123 that’s some heavy stuff. It sounds like your mom has some really unhealthy boundaries. From what you’re writing she seems to be the center of a lot of stress for you and stress in your life. You mention that you’re not financially stable enough to move out to your own place but is there somewhere else you could stay in a healthier environment? Maybe your partners parents?
Can I take a guess and say your mom is from the boomer generation? The way you’re describing your mom has a lot of similarities as my mom. She is always right and anytime I try to correct her or explain how I feel she finds my behavior as disrespect and how dare I question her. She’s the mother and the mother is always right. That was a cultural normality in my family growing up and a generational trauma I broke. My mom would get hurt as a direct result of her own actions and blame it on me.
Have you tried not engaging with her in those moments ? And just saying yes mom or ok mom. I’m curious on how she responds to that. Or does she just crave the conflict and she’s going to find a fight no matter what.
Regardless your feelings are valid. You need a safe place to be able to say these things out loud. As far as what are you meant to do I think communicating with your partner about what your options are and what your goals are about your relationship and living situation. You decide as a family what is best for you guys and make decisions to support those goals. I’m sure you will come up with a game plan to help support your little family in a positive way 💜