Brother refuses to get professional therapy
Hi, this is my first post here and I don't really know what to expect. I myself have an autoimmune condition and I struggles with my health both at a physical and a mental level. However, I had kind of learnt how to manage it.
My brother, who has been clinically depressed since our childhood, has been struggling a lot lately mainly with panic, anxiety attacks. I have been listening to him vent for almost 5 years, which most of the times was about suicide. But whenever I pointed out to him the solution, he gets angry and frustrated and lashes out. He refuses to seek therapy under any circumstances.
With my illness, even speaking to him has become more of a pain trigger for me. I have started getting anxiety attacks again. I have no idea how to cope with this.
@Fibrohurts I think it's best not to rush in this situation, because I think it's going to take time. I think you can show your brother that the people around him care about him, and you can take your brother and do something else to distract him. I think since he's willing to talk to you about his thoughts, even suicidal thoughts, I think that's a cry for help, so I think you can take it slow.
He first opened up 6 years ago and I have been trying to persuade him to get help. He doesn't live in the same country, so he is isolated as well. I asked him to go to a support group, he doesn't believe in it. I feel this has become a vicious cycle for him. Am I also an enabler?
Hi, I just want to say that I can resonate with this in every single way. My brother is also depressed, he has been for almost his whole life. This is not something we talk about in our family… My dad thinks my brother is simply lazy. But I know that my brother is depressed and he’s struggled with life since he was bullied in school.
I am myself struggling with a general anxiety disorder which is why my brother’s behavior triggers my mental health issues majorly. This is also why I can’t really help him. Most times I’m scared that he might do something to himself and I haven’t stopped him from doing so.
I know this doesn’t really help you but I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone…
@Fibrohurtssorry, im not sure how this works, but ur definitely not alone... hugssss my friend!
@Fibrohurts
Stop telling him the "solution". Let it go. If he doesn't want to get therapy then he doesn't have to. It's not the miracle cure that people pretend it is anyway. Sometimes it does more harm than good
You're stressing yourself out by continually pushing the point and then having him lash out about it. Just respect his wishes. Whether you listen to his venting or not is another issue
@Fibrohurts
It might be helpful to set boundaries around how often you chat with your brother and/or what topics you are willing to discuss with him. Or set time limits on venting sessions and schedule some self care for afterwards.
When setting boundaries, it can be useful to focus on YOU and what you will do. (vs. referring to the other person or saying what you WONT do) example: "I hear that you are feeling frustrated and I am happy to support you. Just to let you know up front I will need to leave this call in 15 minutes."
(also be sure to actually follow though consistently when boundaries are set. it is very likely that they will be tested and/or that others will take issue with them, yet this is your energy and you are in charge of managing your energy and your wellbeing so do your best to stick to doing what you say you will do.)
It can be really upsetting when someone you care about doesn't wish to seek help or doesn't want to hear about potential solutions. However, you can't force them to do anything they don't want and trying to push is likely to cause further resistance. Keep to what you can do for you, and determine in advance what support you are available to offer and what he is available to recieve.
