Parent Has a Chronic Illness
My mom is suffering from Gastroperesis and some other issues. She is no longer eating solid foods. I am currently trying to help. her as much as I can. The problem is she is constantly angry and frustrated because she says she does not want to feel old. She guilts the rest of us for eating around her and refuses to go to things that has food. When she does go, she is just angry. She is constantly eating things she shouldn't which makes her not feel well and she gets cranky. I am getting so overwhelmed and I don't know how to deal with this all the time. I feel like I am constantly on edge. I can tell my dad is frustrated with constantly living on the edge and I really don't know what to do anymore.
@straightforwardPeach6565
It can be so exhausting caring for a loved one.
And most of what she says and does, is not personal, it's out of fear, frustration and not being able to control her situation.
And that's hard.
Hard for her and hard for you all 💛
But if no one told you today, you are doing a great job 💛
@Amanda84 Thank you so much! I really needed to hear that! It has been so hard with no nobody to really confide in about all of this.
@straightforwardPeach6565
A pleasure 💜
@straightforwardPeach6565 This sounds like a really difficult situation. Have you been able to talk to your dad about this privately?
I get you. My mother has developed swallowing issues and is currently in rehab because of becoming very sick with pneumonia and Corona Virus at the end of March. It has been recommended she have thickened liquids, which means nothing that has consistency of water. Drinks must be nectar thick or thicker. She has already informed me she isn’t going to do this once she is home. I’m not sure if she is in denial with everything that happened and how close she came to dying or what it means to continue having silent aspirations.
I’ve been listening to heard and trying not to get upset with her. She may need grief counseling to deal with the loss of the life she had. Check with Hospice or Pallative care agency to see what they can offer to support you both during this change.
Best of luck. And no one told us raising our parents would be harder then raising a tennager.
It is so hard when our parents go through things like this. She has been going to therapy for months and it does not seem to be getting better. Hopefully she can find some coping mechanisms at some point.
You cannot control how your mom feels and what she does. That is impossible because she has her own thoughts/reasons and her own journey to learn from.
What you can do and is totally in your power and control is to look for as many reasons as you can to focus on the good and pleasant feeling thoughts about your mom, her aspects you do admire
You are affected because you care, that's natural. However, my suggestion is to care more and practice more about your own feelings. Once you have intentional control over how you feel then no matter what your mom does, or anyone does or says, they cannot push your buttons or get your goat.
Practice making yourself ungettable, no buttons that can be pushed
That is definitely easier said than done for me. But I will have to keep trying l.
Well sometimes we cant take everything on our shoulders in life. I really tired to help my brither and sister to be more emotionally understanding but I couldn't. Not because they are evil but simply because i need to do so much for them that I cant.
You are a son/daughter. And so first of all this should not be something you worry about.
Yoru mother has to be mature enough to do what's right even if it tastes bad because she is an adult. And even if she cant well she at least should not take it out on her own kids. That is very childish behavior.
Ans your father should kike comfort you and help you stay far from this issue and be the responsible one.
Now I dont know much about your life but I know that some people (including me) didn't have a good family to start life with and maybe you shouldn't force yourself to help someone you can't. If you help her and take in the anger she lets out you will hurt yourself.
So I would say... save yourself and who you can. If you can help her do it. If you can help your father do it. But if you cant... then dont do destroy yourself for people who won't help you recover.
I hope this advice helps. I hope you get the family balance you need. I hope you stay healthy and lovely ❤️
You have been very veyr strong in this family
You have taken on a lot of weight to carry.
You have been pushing down your OWN pain and hurt to be able to hep others.
You have been doing all this wiht NO ONE loving you back in return and being there for you when you needed it.
Here you go *offers a hug* its ok... its okay... you still got this. I know no one sees nor helds you... but you are held now. You can relax for a bit dear. You were... so strong...for too long.