Sad, exhausted, feeling guilty
My daughter is sweet. She has 3 kids. 11 months, 4 and 8 all from different dads. She’s recently left the father of her youngest. He violently threw the 8 year old to the ground and stood on him. No serious injury luckily. Whilst this behaviour had not been seen before, his treatment of mr 8 has always been degrading and verbally berating him. Being quite mean to him. Mr 8 loves him and blames himself for the split up. His momma went straight to the cops and had him arrested. Mr 8 is devastated. All 4 of them are now staying with me (only for a few days) and my husband of 10 years (who is not that supportive) I’m not coping. I’m not coping with the kids, the noise, the mess, the emotional luggage and the sadness for my oldest grandchild who just wants a dad. . I’m being snappy with them myself. I’m thinking that she should have listened to me about waiting to have that baby (only knew him 8 months when she fell pregnant) and typical dictator mother stuff. She has no friends. Not one who lives nearby and so her entire emotional support is from me. But I’m not coping with it. This is the 3rd time. Im reallly not able to be the loving supportive mother this time. Her choice of shite men stems from her loneliness ~ so it’s highly likely this pattern will occur again. Her dad has moved overseas too so it’s just me. I can’t shake the feeling of being a bad mum. A failure in the eyes of society and that makes me feel incredibly guilty. I know it’s not about me but it feels like it really is. Argh. Im so sad. I can’t sleep and I’m so stressed. Poor kids. 😞
@Finesse001 Thank you for sharing with us. I'm glad that you are seeking support for this stressful situation. I find that doing self care activities such journaling, exercise and mindfulness can help to deal with stress .Sometimes even taking a few minutes break such as going into another room or stepping outside and taking some deep breaths can helpful. I would also like to let you know that there is a great forum for family and caregivers here at 7cups.
So sad to hear what you are going through. I have a daughter in a similar situation; but we have had to let the cards fall where they may. Hats off to you for taking them in. In our case, we know there is nothing we can do that will change her lifestyle or decision making process. We would only be a comfortable spot to land until the next slug comes along and she repeats the process. In that light, we have to say she is on her own. We hate to see the children in these situations; but we can't change anything for them ... we have tried. It is a fine line between compassion and enabling. Bless you. You are a wonderful mother; don't cut yourself short.
Good morning 😊 i completely understand where you are coming from. Being a mom myself it's hard to draw the line isn't it. We as parents feel so conflicted with our own emotions about the choices our own children meet and at the same time wondering where we may have gone wrong and feeling so damn guilty for feeling mad, and questioning ourselves if we are allowed to feel all these emotions. We just want to rush in and ' fix it'.
Remember these are choices your daughter has made and hopefully she will have enough confidence in herself to know one day that she deserves to be loved and respected as do her own kids. So do you🙂
You sound like you are a wonderful, loving parent. You've done good. Try not to beat yourself up. You've sacrificed your life to raise your children. Now its your turn . Be good to yourself, hug your grandkids and hopefully things will fall into place for your daughter 😊
I just noticed you wrote your post 2 months ago....
How is everything now? Any changes?
Feel free to message anytime . Take care!
@Finesse001
ty very much for being brave enough to share that. All those hardships you and them face wow you have my deepest condolences and sympathy. But you're being way too hard on yourself. You did your best and shes grown adult so she needs to learn the consequences of her choices. Unfortunately she sounds like the victim type who falls for some svengali's charms and make irrational decisions based on gut instinct or love more so then based on more logical thinking. But it is what it is now and she and you are dealing with it which shows how much compassion and resilience you both have. Yes its alot to take in but the fact you opened your door to her and her kids shows how strong you are and how much you are a good mum. You could have easily told her to go away and go seek out help on the streets but you didn't because you are a good person deep down. Yes this will be challenging but i believe you and her will find a way to make this work while she re-finds herself again. Ty god she got away from that abusive pos before he seriously injured that poor boy or worse. I am so sorry she is lonely but she needs to get herself out there to make new friends and create her own positive support network. Just hang in there and dont give up on her and dont let her give up on herself. Bless you all 🙏🏻🙏🏻.