Friend choosing another New Year's Party over mine
Hi:
I am a little upset with a friend because she originally RSVPed "Yes" on my invitation last night but then told me this morning that she couldn't make it after all. Why? Some other friends of hers invited her to their New Year's Party. When I told her how I felt, she tried to make an excuse and blame shift me.
"I have other friends and your hurt feelings aren't my responsibility." However, I disarmed her with, "Well, they are still my feelings and they are valid."
Even though she said she was sorry and understood, I have to wonder if she has been coming to my parties because she has nothing else better to do until something else comes along.
@Summershy
for whatever reason she chose to attend another party and she told you ... that is good communication would you have rather she just not show up and find out after the fact she went to another one.?
That is what will happen next time if you get worked up about her choosing to go to another party
there are many parties for new years and this time of year in general while i know you are hurt i think you are being a bit sensitive about the whole thing....
Well it hurt my feelings because I was looking forward to spending another New Years with her. For the last few years, we have spend New Year’s together in which she would come over and spend then spend the night. I was looking forward to that again.
As for me getting upset, I am trying not to get into a shouting match with her.
The other problem is that another friend pointed out that she I decided to have a small holiday party next week and then a New Year’s one. She said that maybe I am trying to have too many things at once
@Summershy
Your feelings are valid and i can see your point of wanting to keep a tradition of spending time with friend but perhaps if she is attending your other get together she felt she could go the the other party.... is your party set or perhaps you could go to someone elses with her to spend the evening together like always
Part of the problem is that I created too many events together.
- I had a Thanksgiving shindig
- I am having a holiday party next week
- Then I decided to throw a New Year’s party.
The thing with her is that she lives 40 minutes away which is very expensive by ride-share. So maybe that’s it and then she’s talking about getting together with one of her friends as they seem to like each other.
I have a boyfriend myself so I understand.
@Summershy I am very sorry that happened.
Maybe she was not really your friend after all.
I do not understand, why they did that to you.
If you would like to vent or talk about it, you can.
7cups has Group Support Rooms, here.
In these rooms, members support other members.
Some members come looking for support.
Here is the link: 7cups.com/connect/groupChatrooms.php
I hope to see you in the rooms, from time to time.
Side Note: These group support rooms, are very supportive in nature.
I had a chance to think things over and yes she is blaming me and yes she did manipulate me by attempting to play the victim to justify her behavior.
However, please see my latest response as to why she doesn’t want to come. Regardless, I felt that was rude l.
@calmMango9611
We talked it over last night, she chose the other party over mine because it turns out that her boyfriend was also invited and so she wants to be with him as they just started seeing each other. She also recently met some new friends at the time she met her boyfriend. Additionally, she said that she hadn't seen her new friends in a few months.
In the meantime, I decided to cancel my New Year's Party because no one was responding and instead do one of two things. Either get together with some friends and go do some things in my city or get together with my boyfriend.
@Summershy Thanks for sharing this with me.
@calmMango9611
No problem and though I set boundaries with her, she came back and apologized for hurting my feelings. At first, she took an attitude with me but I set boundaries and let her contact me. Still, I cried pretty hard when she did that as it broke my heart. One of the reasons why I was so upset was because I have noticed that lots of "Friends" tend to act like they are interested but that's only as long as there isn't someone else who they see as more important.
@Summershy I am so glad to hear that.
@calmMango9611
I thank you for your kind words and she told me that the next time I have a get together, she is going to work on staying committed.
@Summershy
Maybe she chose your party over her other friends last time, and this time she decided to do the other way around.
They way that you don't consider all the choices she has to make on a daily basis, your emotions are not her responsibility to consider. They are however valid, but the simple fact that this is something that upset you doesn't mean that she doesn't care about your emotions.
At least she told you she couldn't make it, and didn't just ditch on the night of your party. She didn't discount your feelings, she merely made a choice.
I decided to to cancel t because I realized that I was having another party next week for the holidays. As for her, she lives a long way out doesn’t want to come all that way twice. I bet I know why she is going to the other party and that’s because one of those friends likes her and she likes him back. Now I understand that part because I have a boyfriend myself and I know what it’s like to want to be with someone.
