Unusual Friendship, I guess...?
This is going to be a weird one.
So I have an online friend and we have been there for each other for years. Not as long as my boyfriend has been my boyfriend, but still something substantial.
Well, at some point within the last few years I was venting to him more and more about anything I was dealing with. Relationship troubles, in-law issues, etc etc. During this time, it seems like we became uncomfortably close.
Now he likes to flirt constantly. I've talked to him gently about it, and about how my boyfriend percieves it.
I can't seem to decide how to feel about it anymore or how to handle it. My boyfriend doesn't like it. My friend wants me to hide it better because he doesn't take it seriously.
But I don't like hiding things. I've had to hide enough in other areas of my life as it is...
I am at this weird spot now where I feel like I need to keep things as they are, but also I feel like this is a dangerous situation. I fear my friend loves me in a more romantic sense, and I don't want my boyfriend having any reasons not to trust me.
I wish to say more, but I don't want to overwhelm any of you with a crazy long post. Thank you if you got to the end. 💛
@BusyBird
I understand how difficult this position is for you to be in 💙
But it's important for the sake of your relationship and happiness, that you set boundaries with your friend and tell him you'd prefer if he redirected that you don't wish him to flirt with you as it's not appropriate.
If he doesn't listen, you might have to consider telling him you cannot be friends anymore 💛
@Amanda84 I'm working on how to handle it lately to be honest. It's tough because I initially did say I thought it was okay, even though I tried to also express how unsure I was about that. I think it's gotten to the point too where I can't even feel comfortable with someone behaving too intimately at all, even from my own boyfriend. Like I want to recoil when someone behaves in certain ways now, no matter who it is.
@BusyBird
That's understandable and if he were a proper friend, he'd respect that 🥰
That's indeed really complex,it's no wonder you feel like you're in danger. ): You want to keep your dear friend who's been there for you from a long time,but he flirts with you,and your boyfriend fairly doesn't like this behavior...It's really hard and confusing to go through this,you're really strong..also,you can keep being honest,you don't need another weight on your chest. How do you react when he flirts,and do you have any solutions or plans in mind? Thank you so much for sharing! Have a wonderful future filled with joy and hopefully no more tough friendship dynamics🥺🍀
@Ednamius Thank you so much for hearing me out 💜 I used to respond better to his flirting, although I did directly bring it up once or twice with him because I didn't want either of us to be confused about it. The problem partly is that it only became more frequent and more intense. Now I have stopped matching his energy, so I haven't been sending hearts or doing much "cute" stuff, but he hasn't stopped and I haven't figured out how to address it. I technically tried a couple of times and it didn't result in any changes, so I failed.
On another note, the reason I ever let it get this far is because my relationship is technically poly, so I got into the mindset of "well if my boyfriend can have affection from multiple people then so can I." But since this feels so close to cheating, sometimes I feel bad about it.
