Can someone give me advice? I feel insecure and clingy with my best friends.

I have this attitude of always trying to please other people because I’m afraid they’ll think badly of me. But after pleasing them, I curse them excessively behind their backs. I don’t let them hear it because I care a lot about my reputation. Sometimes, I even tell my friends exaggerated or untrue stories about how others “abused” my kindness, just so I can appear like a victim. When they pity me, I feel satisfied.

Another issue I notice in myself is that I easily get annoyed whenever my best friend scores higher than me. I act like I’m happy for them and congratulate them, but deep inside I feel jealous and irritated. Sometimes I even say things like, “Why did you get a higher score than me? You just copied anyway,” in a joking tone....though in truth, I really feel bothered.

I also get irritated when my best friend talks to someone else. I want to be their only best friend, so when they’re with others, I feel threatened. I end up clinging to them just to show that we’re closer.

Lastly, I have two best friends, let’s call them BFF A and BFF B. One time, I asked them who their favorite was. BFF A said I was their favorite, but BFF B said their favorite was BFF A. That made me feel annoyed and jealous, because I want to be the only favorite even though we’re a trio. I don’t like it when the two of them spend time together or talk too much, because I prefer having their attention focused on me.