Help!!
What do healthy boundaries between friendships/ friend groups look like?
I know them for the most part but I struggle with where the line is. What’s a healthy amount of “talk of friends” to other friends? I’m a big communicater and struggle to keep things to myself. Especially if I’m annoyed or need to vent a little. I tend to talk of my other friends personal lives to a best friend, and it has a pattern of backfiring.
Am I a bad friend? Is it ok to talk about those things? Am I just making bad friends?
(It’s never severe bad talking, more like updates or noticed patterns that I talk about and can let go of later on)
@ConfusedYuki
Okay, so you've talked to friends about other friends and this pattern has backfired on you. You can vent about friends and that doesn't make you a bad friend BUT you've got to make sure the friend that you are venting about and the friend you are talking to do NOT belong to the same friend group. There should be no major history between the two and they should not be in regular contact with each other.
Here are two examples from my personal life:
1. I grew up with friend A in middle school and then I made friend B after moving to a different state in high school. I can vent all I want about A to B or B to A and there is never any trouble because they've never seen each other in person, are so different that they have no intention of getting in contact with each other, and they live in different states.
2. Me and friend A grew up with friend C. We have deep history with each other and are all still in contact with each other. We live in the same town. When I've tried to vent about friend C to friend A, it backfired into an argument because we both personally know friend C and have different opinions. When I've tried to vent about friend A to friend C, it backfired and turned into a nasty gossip fest because friend C knows friend A too well.
So, just keep the people you are talking about as far apart from each other as possible and you should be fine. If you cannot do this, then please refrain from talking about friends with other friends. Save the venting for online spaces with strangers so that no one gets hurt.