I don't know how to appreciate friendships
I have been the "loner" type for most of my life now. In middle school I used to sit all alone with my headphones and mind my own business, absolutely no relationships of any kinds.
Suddenly by the end of middle school, two people from my class wanted to befriend me and I sort of let them. The problem is that I don't enjoy spending time with them... It's been like 3 years since we started talking and I don't really care about them. They always want to hang out or talk to me, but I come up with excuses or ghost them. When I do have to meet them, I just want to go home, because I feel bored and forced to fake laugh or smile.
I know it's wrong, but I can't stop feeling this way. Maybe it's worth mentioning that I've been struggling with anxiety, depression and eating disorders, but after all I think it doesn't explain why I'm so cold and distant.
I do wish my friends the best, just without me. When they need me, I try my best to help. I just can't feel a deeper connection with them.
@floorm
your line about they wanted to becomes friends so you let them says a lot. I did this too for a long time and wondered why nothing stuck. Friendship is action. finding ways to connect learning about others and sharing about yourself. What you seem to have is acquaintances that wanted to be friends. easy to ghost could spend time or not with them.
Until you make a real connection you cannot appreciate it.
@floorm
I understand completely what you are going through.
I was the same throughout my school years and once it ended I had not one stay in touch with me and vise versa.
I have been classified as a-social/highly introverted
Thank you, it's good to know that I'm not the only one. I wish more people understood that someone might not want friends. I'm tired of everyone pitying me, while I'm enjoying the silence and my own company 😭
Maybe I am a bit narcissistic, but I can't do anything about the way I feel. I tried, but no matter what I remain the same.
