New here - will try to express myself here..
Hi,
I don't know what to write in particular. There are multiple tabs open on my mind - somedays im furious with the crime in the world, other days im wondering how I will figure out a career pr step outside, sometimes I keep thinking ill probably end up living my life at home itself (based on my upbringing - its a huge challenge for me to go out of house without worrying about who is staring at me). Other times I imagine the kind of life i will eventually live. Then sometimes im trying to understand myself, my beliefs, values, any changing perceptions, anything i like holding onto but struggle if i meet people with difference in opinions. But most times, i try to be there for family, they're cool, that'sall I have now - even through the rough and toughs.
Not having a purpose and not having any realistic approaches have been killing me on the inside. I stopped talking to majority of friends (they were nice, but the relation was toxic). While i do have friends that I talk to, but they're not close as such, and I have to see when they have free time or something. I stopped having the urge to dance, im tired of hopping through so many ideas that i begin with for myself. Somedays i go - let's practice my english - I could copy-write some article/report etc. But i can't find the right pdfs on Google with english to just write. Other days i go - let's try the going out for sun - I went 2 days. Why? It felt lonely - I needed some morning sun. I love morning sun, and unfortunately it doesn't hit our home properly. The park in the middle of the socoety? Im scared to sit there in the sun, im scared that all the apartments face the park and i feel uncomfortable to be seen. I really like metropolitan city of my country. Nobody will stare..atleast compared to here. But to live there ill have to get a job, and i believe in common values, ethics, resonance. Arughhhhh i can't have it all. And I hate that to grow outside of home ill have to compromise - i can adapt. Ive done that my whole life, so much that I dont even recognise my true entire authentic self, but I hate people using the word compromise. Learning, growth, adapting - okay.
Oh and im a young adult, with no interest in a lot of things people my age are interested in - like, i love - astrology, spirituality, but I would also like to go to my favorite singers concert someday. But I also like all sorts of music, i like a diverse genre - be it rap, pop, rnb, etcetcetc. And im non judgemental as long as people are respectful - idc bout people's gender orientation, beliefs, values whatever. I may not have learnt driving, or proper cooking (but im confident - cooking I will for sure learn, i try to practice on and off) but driving idk. But ugh I feel trapped in myself. I dont know what I want to do with myself besides if ever death approaches me, I may not have the desire to dodge it - atleast in this state of mind.
Why does capitalism exist 😭
Im tired of myself...can this game be over already, this unfortuantely barely lived life
-K
@determinedPal1122
Dear Beloved,
Things, situations, and people are not the way we expect them to be. We have to accept them as they are. We do not have control over everything in this world. Yet we do have some control over what we can do with whatever is available to us. Reality is often different from our imagination. We have to face it. We have not been given any other option.
Do not focus on things that you cannot control; instead, focus on what you can do to make yourself feel better. Do more of what makes you feel better. Accept things as they are to protect yourself from emotional pain.
Nature has not given us control over everything. We have to accept whatever we cannot change and focus on doing whatever is under our control. Keep on accepting things as they are and moving forward in your life. Do more of what takes you closer to peace, happiness, and fulfilment in life.
Thank you, its just super painful to accept things as they are. I tend to let it stop me. I have such a scattered mind, as you can see from my post.....I've adapted myself to so many ideas, situations, people, places. How do I return to myself fully...are there any questions I can sit with if you're aware of any. Like how do I refresh my energy...and accept myself for who I am and how i am.....
@determinedPal1122
Dear Beloved,
I can understand that it is painful to accept things as they are. But this is the wisest option. Either you accept them or continue expecting them to change, which may or may not happen. It is not wise to continuously cause yourself pain for years, only to keep expecting things, situations, and people to be the way you want them to be. They will be as they are. We do not have control over them. We have control only over what we do. Shift your focus from people and situations to yourself. Do not focus on what you do not have and what you cannot do. Focus on what you can do and what you have. It will help ease your emotional pain.
I am proud of you for adapting to so many ideas, situations, people, and places.
How do you return to yourself fully?
Unfulfilled expectations will continue to hurt you. You cannot return to yourself until you stop having expectations. Accepting what you cannot change and changing whatever you can can help you return to yourself.
Some questions that you can sit with are: Why do I feel so disturbed? What is causing pain to me? What do I want? What is troubling me? What needs to be fixed for me to feel better? What do I think is missing?
You can refresh your energy and accept yourself for who you are and how you are by reminding yourself that you are the way nature has chosen you to be. You did not decide to be the way you are. You are the way the Universe has created you to be. You just have to accept the way the Universe has created you. Your desire cannot change what the Creator has chosen. It will only cause emotional pain.
Stop expecting; start accepting. It is a key to easing your emotional pain.