Toxic Relationship My Friend Is In
To start, this is a situation I’ve never been in before so I’m quite confused and not sure what to do. I have a gaming friend that I’ve been consistently playing with for a few months. He has a girlfriend and lives far away. If we game with a group everything is fine but alone things are different. He hasn’t been the issue, his girlfriend is. She starts arguments, tells him to stop gaming, and name calls me whenever we play together. He’s been helping me learn how to edit videos and even that isn’t ok with her. Today he asked me when she wasn’t in the room what I think of manipulation. He wouldn’t give me any context and since I’ve been manipulated before I just told him it’s a form of control. Diminishing someone’s feelings to make them feel insignificant is probably what I come across the most. He was very quiet and not his usual self at all. He’s even told me before that she’s talked to guys but has a problem when he talks to girls. I’ve been in his situation before and understand how he feels and how hard it is to break out of that relationship. It’s so hard to see someone you care about suffer. I’m trying to practice patience with it because I know most people don’t really want to listen to relationship advice. Should I just keep trying to ignore what she does to him or should I say something?
@anonyAcres8568
You talked to him told him about your brush with that type behavior and he sounds like he opened a bit with you... I am sure you gave him things to think about and see her behavior in a different way and decide if he is going to change it.
IMO you could check up saying how is it going or something but in the end his decision to continue to be treated in that way is his. A comment every so often if you see or hear of something out of line like her calling him names or belittling etc. can be supportive
IF you start trying to want him to drop her etc and he is not ready it could backfire on your friendship.
From my personal experience, I had my ex that would purposely mute himself if he said anything rude, disrespectful or even out of line. An when I would defend myself, because I was either at my boiling point from the constant disrespect that would start earlier, constantly cleaning after him and etc, he would unmute himself and I would like a monster in everyone else's eyes. Granted, I was not perfect and will take accountability for my actions in the downfall of the relationship, but he was nowhere near perfect like he claims to be. The constant disrespect, gaslighting and abrasive behavior does get draining. However there is something that he may be doing to provoke or even get her riled up in the first place, by no means am I saying that his friend is in the wrong or that she is perfect. They are both doing things to each other to amp the other up, which brings me to the famous line, "It takes two to make something work and it takes two to make something go South." Now my experience may be different but speaking on behalf of a person that was made to look like a monster and would people jump down my throat for only knowing half a story.... I just wanted to shed light on the other side.. Like I said by no means am I siding with her or him. Just representing the gray area..
