Trying to get away from friends feels painful

Alright so, I published this in another category, sorry im new, crying and trying my best :(

Anyway, so i have these friends since a long long time ago, we went to school together and Graduated high school together, we remained friends in college even if we are in diferent ones.

Thing is, I did something, I got drunk for the first time, like black out literally, even thought they took care of me and I appreciate that, they got mad and distant for a few days, and since then they have being distant and I have felt excluded.

I love this people, they have being my friends for so long, i even got to consider their families as my second and third family. but now? I feel like they don't even consider me a friend anymore, they make plans without me, I don't even get invited to parties, hangouts, breakfast, sleepover and so on. And when I do is because one needs and alibi and the other can't be there. I'm not even supposed to call them friends right? Or am I the bad one?

The thing is when I do get invited even if it's because I was the last option, I get happy, I have a great time, but that day of happiness turns into a week or two of anxiety, loneliness, depression and loads of tears.

All of this makes me wonder what is wrong with me, am I being the bad friend? Even though I've being there for them always, even though I have make sure they know they can count on me, I even doubt myself as a human being in general, is there something wrong I need to fix in order to have a friendship? I don't know

I feel like I should just get away from them, it's messing with my head and heart, but just thinking about it feels hard and sad, makes me wonder what that loneliness is going to do with me even though I feel lonely right now. How do you end a friendship of so many years without loosing yourself and heart? And mostly how do you move on after that? If that friendship was all you know.

So sorry for the long text but thank u for reading it