Wishy Washy Friend
I have this friend I consider to be one of my best and closest friends. I’ve known her for 10 plus years since high school, and we live apart as I moved away. Before I moved away I always feel like she was always kinda flaky. As my best friend she said she couldn’t come to my going away party, and I ended up confronted her about it, and it was because she has no money which I feel like how do you miss your best friends going away party regardless ? Then I moved and was trying to plan for her to come visit and there’s a lot of fun and I knew we would’ve had a blast instead she ditches me and goes with this guy to another country instead. Basically long story short I feel like she ditches me for her bfs and or something better comes a long. Just recently a month ago I planned to visit my dad, and her choice she was all about coming to visit and seeing me, then a couple weeks prior she then texts me saying she’s not sure etc, and then says she wasn’t sure what she’s thinking she’s coming. Then two days prior to visiting my dad she proceeds to tell me she can’t come. In the the middle of all this she was trying to get a place with her bf but he wasn’t being receptive and so then she was planning to move to California all set in stone, and then when she told me should couldn’t come was because her bf put a deposit down, and they are moving in together that weekend. I come back from my dads to find out they broke up and she’s now moving to California, and I’ve talked about visiting, and stuff as I’d never been before and would like to but we were talking and she then says one point you will have to come visit. I just don’t understand I feel like plans are always on her terms. I just feel like she’s not that great of a friend. So confusing.
@Mre605
Hello,
A good trait in a friend is someone who is reliable and supportive. Given that she misses out on a lot of your life events, I see why you feel she is not a good friend. Have you discussed this with her yet? Perhaps given the opportunity to change, she may surprise you! Talking it out gives others the opportunity to change. :) 💛💫
Hello,
Well a couple years ago she came to visit with her ex who knew someone in the area. At the time I was dating my abusive ex, and they were coming to visit, but he didn’t want them to stay at our place which I wasn’t to happy about but I compromised and understood so I told my friend this and I offered to pay for a hotel for them, or maybe they can stay at the bf friends house . Well she got all upset and told me to kick my boyfriend out and it kinda put a strain on our friendship. Things were rocky before they came. So to break the ice I tried to mention some ideas to do when they came, and it turned into her ideas and we did everything she ended up planning. when she did come to visit I ended up getting sick because I think I was so stressed. She was upset and I was upset so I did mention it to her, and she apologized and talked about how she’d come visit again. Of course that never happened. Nothing seemed to have changed, and things still seem to be on her terms.
@Mre605
You make your plans around her. She makes her plans around her BF. Even if she has to move to a different country/state to be with him, that’s what she will do, where she will be. Even if she tells you she’ll attend your invite, visit, make plans with you, if her BF isn’t there, then she’s not coming. Quite simply, it doesn’t matter what people promise, or how many times they promise something. You only need to know their pattern of behaviour to know what they will do. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.
People’s priorities are always reflected in their choices. You make your choices too - So choose someone that chooses you.
CatsInTheCradle
