Worried my friend might be lying
I want to assume the best of him, I really do. I hope I'm just worrying about nothing
But for background, my friend, T, we met in March, and he has another friend, G, who idk really know how to feel about, after all the things T told me about G. Me and G interacted well enough, aside from some small things, but I know T and G had arguments, along with a WHOLE argument they had that led to G threatening to sue T for assault despite T doing nothing to G. And even later, G used that as leverage for T to keep talking to him
Okay, now that that's mentioned, the past two months, I've been asking T if he wants to hang out. Usually just "you available any time to hang out this week?" And then he'll say "depends on when I get paid" or "I'll get back to you" and then not get me back to me. I got anxious a few nights ago, and messaged him a lot, and unsent those messages, was pretty ashamed of myself for it
But earlier today, I'd asked T if he could talk, and he responded quickly, saying that he's been busy with work (and I know this, he has been busy, his work gives him like 11 hour shifts, it's absurd, so I don't really fault him much for not getting back to me) and that he spends more time working then even being awake, so I said that I was sorry and that I'd got caught up in my head about it and taken it personally, it was my bad
The part that makes me worry that he's lying, is that I had seen a post by G on social media about hanging out with T like yesterday, so it just makes me wonder if T hasn't been getting back to me about hanging out, but is hanging out with G instead
Can I get some advice on maybe how I could broach the topic with T? Or at least convince me that maybe I'm overthinking?
@calmLunch9427
I'm sorry T isn't available to you like you wish.. I hope things improve in the future.. maybe find more support from your other friends..I don't know T's plans so I can't comment further, Good Luck!
I think I'm gonna ask if he wants to hangout again sometime in the next few days. I just hope it isn't too soon, I only talked to him about it today, and the "conversation" is still ongoing
Idk, he always takes a while to respond
@calmLunch9427
That's a good idea. I hope the situation gets better for you.🌲
Thank you. I'm trying but honestly, he's just so busy with work it takes him a long time to reply, and of course he has his own life and stuff
I barely ever get to have a full conversation with him, it's always hours or days later that he replies, and I feel bad for being frustrated about it, it's just that my brain like fill in the blanks with negative thoughts and I'm just afraid I'm gonna act on those negative thoughts and mess everything up
@calmLunch9427 it can feel dubious dealing with certain people, I doubt you will intentionally do something wrong.. There are some people in the world who just don't belong permanently in your life, I think you know this.. those type of people who are intentionally preoccupied or super sensitive.. 🌲💚
I honestly don't think he's super sensitive or anything like that, it's just that my brain is filling in the blanks and it always fills them with negative thoughts catastrophizing things
I did take my meds just an hour ago when I woke up, and they help with my impulsiveness, so I won't make any bad decisions, I think
I should give context, they're ADHD meds, Atomoxetine. I've noticed when it gets late they ware off and that's when I make bad decisions, so I'm just gonna try and stay away from messaging him when I'm like that
@calmLunch9427
honestly I understated this so well, it’s hard when someone you want to talk to or hangout with isn’t available but you have a gut feeling they are just making excuses not to talk to you or only reaching out when they want. Especially when you see them with another friend. Theres no right answer because we dont know the whole story and what’s going on but it still really hurts.
I'd like to ask him about it and clarify things, but I also genuinely don't wanna cause him any undue stress. When we talked yesterday, he said he doesn't really like it when I take it personally, so I know how he feels
I think I'm just going to try not to dwell on it too much. I'll ask him sometime in the future if he wants to hangout, and maybe I'll talk with him then if he feels like hanging out. That, or see about calling him, idk
I feel like you could ask G (since yall talked before ) about how you always feel bad because T is busy and couldn’t talk much with T. And G would either tell you “same” then that means T wasn’t lying or tell you “What? I just talked with him”.
But ofc… I have faced something like this before… if you feel like that person isn’t treating you like a friend/ make you feel unhappy… just talk to him about how you feel and if he doesn’t listen/ care then… you know it’s time to let go…
Just personally, I feel like it hurts you more if I convince you that you’re overthinking/ making you try to continue this friendship like THIS.
I did talk to T yesterday, but that's still kinda ongoing because of how long he's been taking to reply cause of work and whatever else he's got going on
Tho, now that you've mentioned, I might talk to G, I just worry T might think I'm going behind his back or something, but I suppose it's my own issue to figure out, and not be anxious about