losing a friend who was once like a sister.

I met her when I was 14.

She was the kindest, warmest friend I had.

Before me, she had another close friend she distanced from without any clear reason.

Then she chose me. I felt special. I treated her like my sister.

We were close for years.

We had mutual friends. Memories. Growth.

Then, three years ago, we lost one of our closest friends in an accident.

It shattered me. I had to go for counselling.

But she seemed okay at first.

I didn’t want to drag her into my grief.I thought maybe she’d get more hurt if I kept bringing it up.

So I gave her space.

But after months, she started ghosting me.

No explanation. No fight. Just silence.

I reached out. Many times.

Went to her house.

She made excuses not to meet.

I had no idea what I did wrong.

Just silence and distance. And it hurt.

A year ago, I texted her:

“I miss you. If I did anything wrong, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

She replied:

“You weren’t there for me when I needed you. But I also didn’t reach out to you.”

So she ghosted me but still blamed me.

She never communicated she was grieving too.

And now, she’s cut me off saying I wasn’t there.

Truth is, I was also breaking.

I didn’t go to her because I didn’t want to trigger her grief.

I thought I was protecting her.

Turns out, it made her feel abandoned.

Now she’s a stranger.

It still hits me in waves.

I get panic attacks.

I struggle to get close to people because I’m scared they’ll leave too.

Like she did.

If you’ve ever lost a friend who meant everything to you, I see you.

Sometimes closure never comes.

Sometimes people leave without telling you why.

And it hurts. Deep.

I’m healing.

But the fear of being left behind still lingers.

I hope one day, this won’t haunt me the way it does now.