Dad Jokes

What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account?

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Prime-mates. ;)

I was playing peek-a-boo and got hurt. They sent me to the ICU.

@jesusredeemedme2425

 if anyone gets a message about canned meat from me, don’t open it! It’s spam.

@jesusredeemedme2425 the human body is made up of 80% water.... So basically we are all just cucumbers with anxiety

@ShadowFaerie @unassumingEyes @Sunisshiningandsoareyou @sadcat13 @Amanda84 @goldenduckling @mytwistedsoul @Tinywhisper11 @LovemyMoonflowers @GreenLime3141 @7Bear7 @Phoenixthepoised @Torean @GentleHealingInitiative @cyanessence @YourCaringConfidant @CaringEzra @NobleSeeker @fossilfellow @BastionKnight @trueconfidant123 @safeplace288 @lovingCat6978 @reservedOwl321 @dapperNest2125  @Creamyyy @naturesbeauty1234 @bubbleSummer9800 @peachThinker662 @warmheartedHuman836 @Mansbestfriend @Paliloveyourself @Magicpawsoffuture @SelfCareMatters @TovaCares76 @sabeyesofblue3535 @Ailuraphilelove8tear9 @charmingApple8098 @luvArisu @BlueDarkAurora @RunningMachine @daydreammemories @curiousbookishness @sympatheticPlace3743 @musawva @KindleMissie @WellsFiction @Angelanj @SlappyMcGee

I’m adding a taglist to start, but this post is open to absolutely everyone! <3

What do you call a dog who meditates? Aware wolf.

When is the best time for a dentist appointment?

Tooth hurty

@jesusredeemedme2425 hi hungry, I'm X never gets old 😂 the amount of times my bf pulls this on me 😂😂😂

@jesusredeemedme2425

Never dance in a salad bowl...you are bound to step on someone's tomatoes.

The yogurt is good, but is the cheese grater?

Old style puddings are very litigious towards newer desserts...when they clash they will often suet.

Which legumes are constantly living in the past?.....Beans!

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.