Alienated
Hi.
I will keep this very superficial and short.
I've been experiencing new emotions and (re)discovering some issues.
Consequently, it feels... strange, in my head. I am having difficulties recognizing what's going on. Some thoughts and feelings are so alien that i question if I'm still me after experiencing them.
the weirder part is, i thought i was okay. now it's all just out there, albeit only for me to see. i cannot even properly explain what it all is like.
if you've been through something similar, please do drop a comment and your insights.
@footballorbmo
Welcome 🤗
Nice to meet you.
I appreciate your honesty and coming here to talk in the first place.
That's not easy.
It's even harder to talk about it, when you sometimes cannot put words on what's going on for you, yourself.
Is this a recent development?
Is it a case of your mind replaying old wounds?
Just trying to ask some questions that might help, word some of how you are feeling 💚
@Amanda84
Hi Amanda, thanks for checking in!
Thanks for your appreciation. And obviously, no problem at all with questions.
To answer your questions, it is a recent development but it has my mind re-opening old books. I used to be pretty insecure and self-loathing. I had a moment, a couple of years, when I thought I miraculously got better. I hadn't thought belittlingly of myself during this time. Now, stepping into a romantic relationship, and first time feeling serious about someone in years, i feel these thoughts causing me to act like i never would. It feels like every mistake I do should end in capital punishment, kicking me out of everyone's lives because I hurt them (because i suck). something in my head tells me the person would discard me over someone "better" because, yep, you guessed it, i suck (although i don't believe this trust demon anymore). i always find myself explaining my intentions to them, and swearing that i don't suck and that i wouldn't break their heart intentionally (aka, constantly being on the defensive).
I don't want to hurt them, I want to be the person they know they can rely on when things get rough. I'm trying to improve myself on certain aspects and I feel I have made some improvements, like kicking the trust demon out.
Were these the answers you were looking for? Did I overshare stuff again? Truth be told, I don't care anymore. I didn't mean to dump all of these on you like an avalanche but as you may guess, writing helps a bit.
Anything you can say will be greatly appreciated, including "sorry, I don't have anything." Cheers!
@footballorbmo
Say as little or as much as you want 🤗
It's easy when we enter a new relationship for old insecurities to rise.
And it's difficult.
Because we are opening ourselves up completely.
We are human and this scrutiny can be alot.
But you are good enough.
People want respect, kindness and communication above all.
Don't let your demons ruin a good thing for you.
You've come too far.
@footballorbmo You truly deserve to be appreciated for sharing your thoughts with us. I'm going through the similar things---discovering that the issues I thought were healed, were not actually healed. Sometimes when we live in the same environment for too long and learn to grow based on that specific environment, it feels like we've grown completely. But the truth is, we've just learned to survive in that environment. At least for me, this is what I think it is. So, I'm personally trying to point out where I still should focus on and continue my healing journey. I hope you're doing well. It's not going to happen in one day, and I know it's exhausting. But consistency is the only thing that can help us. 💕
hello @MoonAndSeaWhispers ,
thank you for your kindness and appreciative speech. it feels better to know that i'm not alone in this -- that other humans share my experiences in their own contexts. it feels as though the pain lessens when shared.
i'm so sorry you have to go through the same minefield. i also think that something might have masqueraded the problems, God knows whatever. But let history be my witness, that we will make it. we will fix ourselves. we will do truly alright.
thanks again for the response. take care!
I have been there feeling like the thoughts I am having are not my own, I simply say a loud, these are not my thoughts and you are not welcome here. I reject you and do accept or agree to these pattern of thoughts that causes these mixed emotions. I say it aloud to let myself know, I am in control of what I choose to think and dwell on and put my energy into.
@peachCake8933
hello peachcake, thank you for your input. i feel this is a really good way to take back control against something that feels like is not supposed to be there at all. i really appreciate your contribution and will be using this method to regulate my thoughts as well.
i wish you well, friend. hopefully we'll all leave these days behind.
Similar feeling but searching for something i don't think I will find any real answer it's just therapy do this do that
@tealPenny1345
hey Penny, i understand the roughness of the feeling. i'm actually considering therapy myself. we never know, something that feels unattainable might be the end to which life takes us to. i'll keep being hopeful about the present and the future, and i kindly suggest you be too. i hope we all can bury these thoughts and feelings behind someday.
