Am I overreacting?
so basically my birthday is coming up and my plan is to spend two nights at a hotel with my friends. I told them all about this over a month ago. And they all were like ‘I’m so down and going for both days’. However one in particular let’s call her Jemma was like ‘I’m going and staying both days’ when I told her over a month ago. However. I sent a group text yesterday explaining the plan and what we were going to be doing and asked for confirmation from all of them. They all confirmed EXCEPT Jemma. So I contacted her and was like ‘Hey girl! You still coming to my birthday?’ And she just goes ‘I’m in Italy. I should be coming back on the 22nd’. I honestly felt disrespected. I KNOW she knew about my birthday way before her trip to Italy. She went with her grandparents because they’re big travelers. Going to Italy is cool asf and I wouldn’t want to miss it either. However if I KNEW I had a friends birthday coming up and confirmed going I would’ve texted my friend or called apologizing and tell them I couldn’t go and pray to God they understood(which they all would tbh). If Jemma did that I would honestly feel less *** about it. Yes I’d be disappointed but I’d be way more understanding. Whenever I plan things I think about literally EVERYTHING going on in that month. So then I texted back saying ‘it’s okay(really not though). Have fun!’ And she went ‘sorry. I’ll text you later’ and left it at that. Like wtf??? Okay??? I know she had time to text more because I saw her *** story of her enjoying herself in Italy. I honestly feel so insulted.
I may be over thinking it. But what she did was rude asf to me. I’m starting to realize she’s unreliable asf. But we’ve been friends for like 7 years. She’s done this before but I didn’t really care because it wasn’t a big deal. But now after over a month of knowing and not even letting me know before hand I feel super insulted. Like do I not matter to her anymore? Her actions show me she doesn’t care. So I want to tell her how it made me feel. The only problem is I know she’ll either laugh it off like no big deal or get annoyed and think I’m over reacting. Am I over reacting? Like wtf. I consider myself to be a thoughtful person when it comes to any sort of relationship but she’s so not thoughtful to me.
@redYard2159 Hey. First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY this week! I'm so glad you'll get to celebrate and go on a holiday with your friends!
Secondly, YES, your friend "Gemma" sounds like she doesn't value you or your time. Ok, she is in Italy, and that is a good excuse to miss the celebration. However, not responding and brushing you off is rude. You can feel however you need to feel about that. I like that you also mentioned how you think she will react. Sometimes it is a good idea to plan ahead what we will say in a situation like that, so that we don't stumble over our words or forget what we really wanted to tell the other person.
Personally, I would try to forget about "Gemma" and enjoy my time with the rest of my friends, the ones who actually show up, and act like they really care about me. Yes, it hurts that she is being rude, but it is HER loss. You have done nothing wrong, and you deserve respect.
That's just my two cents :)
-Purple
@purplelady568 thank you! Yes I’m definitely going to try forgetting about all my problems for my birthday and just enjoy it.
@redYard2159
Sounds like she is one of those friends .....the rah rah cheerleader when people say things like we should do this or that ......
but as it approaches or maybe time to double check peoples attendance ..... she has something come up or others plans....... if on a vacation with others in Italy ... she most likely could have looked at her plans and said hey i am out of town then or just on way back from a vacation might be too wiped out to attend etc.
avoiding telling you the truth or responding was rude but she most has gotten away with this often and does not even give it a thought about how to back out of plans she most likely NEVER really planned on attending.
@toughTiger6481 yes she is one of those people but I’ve never had a problem with it. I was talking about it with one of my friends and she said that Jemma was one of the girls who chases dopamine and sometimes forgets about other people. I just felt like she really wasn’t considerate of me this time. And I plan on talking to her about it.
@redYard2159 like today is my birthday and she didn’t even text me a happy birthday or anything. It’s like I don’t exist to her right now.
@redYard2159 a very happy birthday to you! 
Enjoy it!
A very happy birthday to you!! ✨🌷
Spend it with the people who truly care about you. ❤️
@redYard2159 sounds like she has more care for herself and did not even pay heed to the efforts and plans you made. I understand the disappointment, I really do! It seems speaking with her doesn't mend much either as her behavior has remained the same and she doesn't react well to being given feedback. Whether or not you are overreacting, I feel it's so important in friendships to be open about problems and talk about things openly. Otherwise it gets very messed up one way or another. I can see that's so improbable. Honestly after a point, I would stop giving her chances or including her in my plans. I still hope you spent an amazing birthday :) sending good wishes your way ♥️
@navyAcai8433 thank you very much. Yes part of having relationships for me is thoughtfulness as it’s my love language. I feel since she’s not doing as much I shouldn’t either. I don’t think I could handle a relationship like that anyways.
@redYard2159 that's a very good realisation. Birthdays are also important and special days, honestly. I recently dropped a friend who used to hardly put efforts for me and turned out to be rude and terrible in his behavior towards me. I could not justify his actions at all. Some friends are just not meant to be!
