Anxiety Issues (Need Help)

So I grew up with anxiety basically my whole life. Due to traumatic issues in the past, I lost my father at a very young age and I had to understand what death was. After my fathers passing my family had a huge fight over my father’s money. Since he only had two sons which was me and my little bro, we were kinda like the gems to our family. It was so messed up it got to the point where I was brainwashed by my own mother that my dads mom side of the family were evil witch-crafters and they wanted to take me away from my mom. I think I suffered from Dpdr because I remember watching cartoons and my mind as a child thought that what if were not real or were a cartoon or video game. That was my #1 trigger and I would depersonalize or dissociate or whatever and I would jump around and panic, my mom and family members would have to calm me down and i’ll be grounded or back in my normal self. I had a support system from my older half siblings and my mom but I saw a lot of trauma due to alcohol usage. Like a lot of trauma from alcohol, you wouldn’t believe the things I saw as a kid. As a 8th grade teenager my mom decided to move away and I refused to go with her due to the fact we moved around so much and there was never a good outcome. I stayed with my dad’s mom and sister and moved in with them but I went into major depression and I had deep philosophical thoughts at the time. I got over it from talk therapy and religious help. Ever since my high school years to my early adulthood (I’m 22 now) I was stable until a couple months ago. My anxiety and deep philosophical thinking came creeping in but it feels like it’s coming back at me 10x more harder than before. I’m stuck wondering why now and I’m frustrated or upset because I thought I got over my anxiety and depression but apparently not. It’s getting to the point where i’m slowing telling or believing myself that i’m nothing or life is nothing. Like my feelings and emotions don’t matter anymore like I’m not REAL or something. The depersonalization feeling or dissociation feeling that would trigger me as a kid is hitting me now but I can’t get rid of it anymore. It’s stuck with me, I can easily dissociate more now like some kind of super power but it’s not a good feeling. I don’t feel real or connected like how I was before. Idk why, it’s like i don’t have a soul or spirit it feels like i’m unconsciously conscious and my body, mind, and souls feels like a million miles away from me. My mood has been downhill for a month now and it’s getting to the point where when I sleep the first thing that comes to my mind is that i’m nothing and all this life is for nothing and I wake up feeling anxious. I want to be normal again but i’m scared because during this period of my time I feel a lot more self conscious or aware than I was ever before. I just want to know why i’m suddenly feeling like this again but worse? How can i be like myself again without telling myself at the same time im nothing and everything that i do is pointless. Am I slowly losing grip on reality or myself?