Brain Dump Challenge

Just dumping everything:

Feeling hurt and betrayed, mourning the loss of how things used to be, I wish I could turn back time and still live in bliss. But I guess the truth had to come out. I can’t let go, I feel alone, I don’t have anyone. Trying to stay optimistic but I’m also giving myself permission to be sad.

@jesusredeemedme2425

Oh, sweet nihilist, I see how you feel free

It's not for me, for I see meaning to be

Each moment contrasted from the last

It means something, maybe just that time has passed

I do not judge, for without your critical view

There would be less meaning, less to do

If it makes you happy, I accept your fate

You can always change your mind, it's never too late

@jesusredeemedme2425

At work I've got my walls up high, even though I am alone and lonely.

without anyone to confide in anymore, days like today are tough.

Wrote this few years ago

Was i wrong to think,

That i will get to shore,

In my tiny little boat,

In the journey that i started,

From my far homeland,

Was i wrong to dream,

More than i can achieve,

Believing i can build,

A kingdom of my own,

Filled with people like me.

Hello all,

New here and just need to vent and get it out my head really. I am going through financial issues due to helping out my parents with their own retirement and my dad is like in his 80s still working like labor jobs like landscaping. While my mom is in her 60s as a nurse and I am first born and I have two younger brothers in there 20s and soon to be 18. It has been hard, living paycheck to paycheck in a feild that does not pay as it is fee for service. I just feel so scared of the future of owing money, of not being able to pay for things, of not being able to live my life. I now have to think of getting a 2nd job and do something to make ends meet as this is hard. My brother works in retail and the youngest is soon looking to apply for jobs. The life of being easy and carefree is over I feel like and this is the hard stuff of adulting they don't tell you about. Having friends that are out of state and trying to make adult friends in the mean time last week but not feeling really heard and seen. I guess that is partly due to having been broken up in May in an on and off again relationship that I knew was not my cup of tea but she persued me so much and gave affection so willingly... I cave and gave her a chance but her traumas became too much for me and I had only 2 relationships (one back in highschool school when I'm early 30s) before her so I tried my best but I could not be what she wanted and she kept asking for more and more and when I tried to say no she flipped or stonewall me or got demanding towards me. She did not understand me or tried to after the first 2 breakups and held a guard up that I thought was down but I saw was up the rest of the months of the relationship in the way she was quick to dismiss me or say back handed things or accuse me or compare me to her ex. Yeah I'm in therapy per week and have good insurance and I have my own office and can work. But I really don't want to work soooo much like from 8:45am to 8pm just to get documents in and try to see clients when it gets exhausting the workload I do for 3 years now with little change that maybe they make the notes easier. I still feel others demanding of my time, focus, and efforts and have to speak to them and keep it all cool when I am not cool and barely hanging on. Working with kids was easier and in person easier before the pandemic. Before was all easier even when I got my Master's during the pandemic it was easier. Since 2024 started it has been a mountain of hardships and me trying to stay afloat. This loneliness comes and goes and grips me when I try to do something for myself and not dwell on it but it creeps up when alone with myself late at night. I have hobbies, I have interests and can do coping skills, go to the gym, but then it all gets too much and then I just want to sleep and not see the days passed by for like 3 days. Then get back to it when ready. That last Friday and today are the worst days I would say I am experiencing in my adult life. Yet, I try to move forward still and hold on to that hope I feel it's what keep me optimistic that things do get better. 😮‍💨🙏🏽 Thank you for reading this as well 🙂‍↕️

@jesusredeemedme2425

today is day 1 for me here. im mentally and physically exhausted. my anxiety is through the roof. i do not medicate as i do not like medications so today has been a day. i am having knee surgery on the 2nd and literally there is no one that can be there to hold my hand or even drive me home. i have to uber. but i am known everywhere for being everyones everything, even my boyfriend, and i dont get that from anyone. its tiring and i feel extremely lonely with a world full of people

Depths of the ocean. Undiscovered life; yet one whose existence sustains. Guilt. Darkness. Fear. Wanting the light. Knowing your light cannot exist without the dark. Pain. Physical pain. Emotional pain. Hopelessnessthat no one believes in your river of faith. Lost in the woods you used to know. Beautiful, pure undulating positivitythat flows from the sky. Rivers. Birds. So much to be grateful for, no one to be grateful for you? Why. How. What sustains the flowers when the sun has been taken away. Artificial light will not do and of course it all comes at a price, one most cannot afford even if paid in metaphors.

Keep going, guys! Let the healing begin <3