Bringing Others Down
I’m 62 and I just spent my birthday with my two sons, 38 and 35. Due to My circumstances, I am coping with Abandonment, Loneliness, Depression, Grief, And anxiety. I hadn’t seen my oldest son since the abandonment occurred. he came in from Nevada and I tried to warn him that I’m not the same that I was last time he saw me. I have been drastically changed into a person. I don’t recognize. I had a wonderful time with my sons, but my visits were not without anxiety attacks and bouts of crying. They both always gave me great support, good advice, and lots of love and hugs very last day my oldest called me late at night spoke to me for over an hour and to my great disappointment I unintentionally inflicted my pain on him. He was crying and felt so bad that I was in so much pain in my life has been changed so drastically without warning I knew they were affected by their stepmother, abandoning them as well, and I always tried to be sympathetic and understanding. Try not to overload them with details however we’re all best friends and we have no secrets.
My oldest helped me through a very difficult birthday as my other son had to work a 24 hour shift that day. My son was thoughtful, honest and even sometimes blunt. He seemed like he had a pretty good handle on things until the phone call by the end of the phone call. We both leveled out on not even plane.
It brought me so much pain and grief, knowing my inability to cope with my issues cause my son great pain. I wish I could turn the clock back and somehow try harder to not be me. However, you see my son’s and I have a wonderful relationship.. we don’t put on shows we don’t fake being OK. We speak our minds with honesty and respect and we help each other get to where we have to be. I did that by the end of the phone call and I became the strong father that my son needs I assured him daddy won’t fail because failure is not an option, and I will improvise adapt and overcome, no matter what the situation because I will wind up on top. This is what My oldest son needed to hear before he went back to Nevada. I told him I can’t reach the peaks without going through the valleys, and I have to allow my body to feel the climate in the valleys. I promised him I will work through this no matter what.
So how do we keep from hurting the ones we love with the truth of our weaknesses?
@lostman2608
I get what you are talking about it is hard not to bring others down when we cannot break out of our funk. grown kids know us they could see thru fake if we tried it. i try to feel better and inspired by them understand my hope is later in life they do not tell others how miserable i had become.
do it for you to find some joy any joy you can and when you do share that with them as well....
@lostman2608 you can't unfortunately🙁 it's heartbreaking but it's no ones fault. The phonecall between you and your son was not out of pain it was out of love💖 your very lucky to have them and they are so very lucky to have you💖 it's not your fault you are ill, and it's ok to lean on them to show your vulnerable side because your teaching them to also not be afraid to show their feelings💖 let your sons be your strenth your reason to keeep going 💖 gives you a giant tiny hug 💗 you got this 💖 we are all here for you 💗
@Tinywhisper11 oh and happy birthday sweetie 💗
@lostman2608 Maybe it's not that our weaknesses hurt others. Maybe it's just the fact that we're hurting. It hurts when someone we love and care about is hurting and struggling. The relationship you have with your sons sounds wonderful and close.
Thank you all for your replies, compassion, and words of encouragement. After reading your replies a couple times I felt much better. You all are amazing.
@lostman2608 thank you for your honesty, and not shielding or hiding anything or sugarcoating, inspiring others to see they are not alone here and it's a true sign if strength to reach out and talk about how you truly feel and ask for help 🥰
