Dealing with friendships

I've experienced similar to you and what I've realised is that I deserve better and you do too.

I take friendships/acquaintanceships really slowly now. I just let it build and I make sure it is equal, I share they share, I support, they support..

If I get disrespected and it becomes a pattern, not just when someone is in a bad mood and didn't mean it, then I walk away.

I listen more and talk less, I read inbetween the lines, I share superficial vulnerabilities and see how they react..

Put you and your needs first, there are healthy friendships that can be had but a lot can be one sided.

Taking care of yourself isn't selfish, it's what we do. There's nothing with being sweet and kind but we all deserve the same in return and if we don't get it, it's not a healthy association.

@greenJar6049

Been there.  I thought before that having so many friends are good.  But as time passes, and I go through struggles. I moved away from Circle of group friendships.  I still have friends but not as many as before back in my College days.  Where we would go out together even buy a friendship bracelet thing.

The friends that are with me today are the people who stood by me not matter what.  I am not a good person.  I mean can be mean too sometimes.  I have anger issues with myself.  These friends I have stayed despite seeing me in anger actions or when I flare up back then.  I still do sometimes though hehe.  But they remained my friends through thick and thin.

@greenJar6049

I think @ScrableBrain brought great points.

As you go through life you start seeing the patterns. You start recognizing the people right for you easier. It seems that especially among young people you might see more superficial behaviors. When we happen to be more thoughtful, we see the mismatch. It hurts because we have a strong desire for belonging. Those qualities are beautiful even though they can be a source of sadness. They can also become base for building great connections with the right people. So it’s worth taking the time to find them. There are people like you who will care. They might be less visible like you. And they might be as disheartened as you are.

@greenJar6049

Hello, 

 I understand how you feel. It’s painful when you don’t receive what you give, but your kindness is part of who you are, and there is nothing wrong with that. Remember that you are responsible for your own emotions, so don’t allow other people’s actions to change who you are or affect your peace. The fact that others didn’t value some actions says more about them. You don’t have to distance yourself from all the people; sometimes, setting boundaries and choosing people who show you the same respect and care you give is the best decision. 

Your kindness will matter to the right people, and those are the friendships worth keeping. 

@greenJar6049 This all happened to me also, I went through all this, experienced the pain yesterday and I need to tell you that it's a bitter truth but it'll hurt less than what you'll face if you let someone come too close again, they'll stab you so instead of breaking all over again, don't break friendships, have good friends but only loyal ones, don't tell them your every secret, write it in your journal! It'll help you heal, and know yourself better, I know it hurts but they're will be a point where you'll feel so peaceful and happy about being alone and that is what's worth it! 

You have to show them who you are, you don't have to fall at their level and reciprocate their stupid actions but just be yourself and enjoy your own company, Work hard in silence and let your success make the noise! 

THEY DON'T DESERVE YOU AND YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE TREATED THAT WAY!!! 

@greenJar6049

I feel you. I had the same happen to me.

At first, I tried to toughen up and cope with this type of dynamics as I thought this was normal in friendships.

However, I met someone who showed me real genuine kind of being there friendship and that made me realize what appreciation looks like for real. So, this is my reference for relationships.

I've been in friendships where I felt I was treated as 2nd class and it made me feel a way lonelier than being by myself.

As a result I'm more at peace when my close relationships are of good quality, even if that means one, than numerous that make me feel bad.

@greenJar6049

As others have stated in their replies, I can relate to feeling this way a lot in my life.

I got to the point where I gave up on seeking out and nurturing relationships like that because of it, and I'd hate to see that happen to you as well. Though it sounds like you aren't quite there yet, which I'm grateful for.

My advice would be to not let it cause you to become jaded. There's so much out there, and it isn't worth missing out on just because most people might not be worth your time.

Good luck, stay strong, and keep looking.

I'd say just maybe break up with them, if they're disrespectful to you unless you feel you can change them I'd recommend that you just go find someone else. But don't decide to be lonely like I did, go out of your way to find people like I plan to do. Especially if they're talking behind your back because the worst I've dealt with is just being ignored essentially so just cut them off from your life. I really wish the best for you and I hope you find much better people soon ❤.

@greenJar6049

I can give you some advice on the topic. Up front,.we are not in the same situation. I have people that love me and then there are those that I'm sure dislike me. You make positive friendships and allies with people you bind with in similar interests. People you laugh with. People you enjoy being with. If you don't, you don't need them in your life. Run after nobody and be yourself no matter who you are in front of. 

Don't worry about those who talk. Who cares? It doesn't cost you anything to be talked about. Good or bad. My grandfather had a saying for such. He would say " Gossip runs off lips like *** rolling off their ***, and both sides stink.  Gossips are gonna gossip." 

So please don't spend a moment longer worrying about those who gossip. Focus on your best life, form plans and a step by step process to get where you wanna be and time to make adjustments when there are hiccups. This isy advice. I wish you the very best. Free free to reach out.