Ethical dilemma
I have been talking to a guy who is quite handsome and tall. We have been chatting and talking over calls since a few weeks now. I like him but he is at a very struggling phase right now and so am I. I am unsure about my career and I have many responsibilities at home. I am planning on moving countries next year and it is like 90% set already and I know he won't be able to move ever. The guy is from a village and his family is not as progressive and modern as mine. Also he is struggling with finances and has no career planning.
I have faced financial problems since my childhood and am finally in a place where I can fulfill needs and some desires of me and my family. I am just not seeing myself dating someone who I might have to add to my financial responsibilities just yet.
To be honest, I even feel like I want to date and marry a stable person now. I don't need the riches but I don't want struggles as well.
He has asked me out on a date. I don't want to lead him on so I have asked him to wait for a month till we atleast understand each other a bit.
Am I a superficial person or a *** to think like that?
@Hopesanddreams5
I would not call you superficial as i look around i see far worse example of that ....
i think anyone should consider a possible partner on things like a shared vision /plan of future and on the same page with finances ............as that is a BIG issue in ending relationships. Especially if you feel strongly to never experience tough financial hardships again in your life.
The only thing you would need to consider is if you like him and would like to see if it is long term can he change or can you find enough common ground. My partner was not good IMO on handling money but has made great strides after working together....
Hi there @Hopesanddreams5, I hope you are doing well today.
I would tend to agree with Tough Tiger here. And I would add this: I don't think it would be fair to yourself to jeopardize the fruits of your labor over a relationship. No matter how tall or how handsome, no man should ever pose a threat to the life you've built for yourself.
When committing to an individual, being on the same wavelength as them when it comes to finances, professional ambitions, and choices pertaining to your overall way of life is of great importance.
If you've already had conversations about a potential relationship with him, I think it would be fair to inform him that you have a lot going on at the moment, and that you're preparing for a major life change (moving is no small matter), but that you would've loved to see how things could've turned out between you two. Maybe in another life...
Thank you so much for both of your responses. But as an idiot that I am I listened to a guy who said I am cheap if I didn't give this guy a chance. So I starting dating him and I have fought 5 times already since a month.
That guy has the audacity of 10 guys. I really should have listened to you guys😭😭