Ex moved in with my brother & sister inlaw
My husband and I seperated a year ago, he lived on my couch until two weeks back. He quit working and had me pay the bills and provide food for him. He left without a word after running into my sister inlaw and going for drinks then proceeded to move in with my brother and sister inlaw (used to be my best friend). I filed for divorce as soon as I realized where he was and that he wasn't coming back. I only found out because he told our youngest daughter about it, she is 18. He made sure to come hours before we had a scheduled time to pick up his stuff when he knew I was at work. This was intentionally done which I know because he told our oldest daughter as he came in that he knew he wasnt supposed to be there because I wasn't. It is becoming clear he and they are talking trash about me. I feel like I'm going crazy all I want is to split ways amicably but he had to bring my family into it and told our youngest what was going on without ever talking to me about it. I spent an entire year taking the high road and not fighting for any reason though there were many. I am glad he is gone but I lost my brother and sister inlaw too.
@fairmindedKitten808
I can feel the weight of everything you're carrying, and I just want to say I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’ve shown an incredible amount of strength and patience, more than most people would in your situation. You took care of someone who wasn’t willing to take care of himself, and instead of gratitude, he repaid you with betrayal. That is deeply unfair, and it’s completely valid to feel hurt, angry, and just exhausted by it all.
Losing him might be a relief, but losing your brother and sister-in-law in the process? That’s another level of heartbreak. It’s not just the marriage ending it’s the people you trusted, the ones who were supposed to be in your corner, choosing sides in the worst way possible. That’s a kind of pain that doesn’t just go away overnight.
You are not crazy. You are not the villain in this. You did everything you could to keep things peaceful, and he still chose to be petty, manipulative, and disrespectful. That says everything about him not you.
I hope you give yourself permission to grieve, to be angry, to feel all of it without guilt. And I hope, in time, you find peace in knowing that you deserve better. You deserve people who choose you, respect you, and stand by you. It might not feel like it right now, but this chapter is closing so that something so much better can take its place.
You are stronger than you realize, and you are not alone in this.
@fairmindedKitten808
If you let him stay on couch for so long where you hoping he would come back? Were you pretending all is well for the outside?
I would imagine your brother and SIL knew of the separation and the reasons the marriage was ending or having issues? Have you considered maybe your brother ans sil thought getting ex out of house would let you move on? if he is not working or contributing they too will grow tired of taking care of him. Or encourage him to get his stuff together as you enabling him by footing the bills was not making progress. If they were taking sides chances are they did this before now.
Unless you are really good actors i bet your kids that are grown and family and friends know more about the situation then you expect. Taking the high road IMO is only self serving when i had issues with partner i did not hide or sugar coat anything my grown kids knew their whole life if we had trouble why.
I have been scared of him after many years of emotional and sexual abuse behind closed doors. This last year was almost impossible. This I hid and hid it well so as to not hurt my kids. If you really think my family saw what was happening they must have no love for me.
I had asked him to move out many times. He always had an excuse for not leaving and after 23 yrs of financial abuse there was no extra money for me to move and my credit was maxed out. Everything is in my name not that I wanted it to be but I had a family to take care of. He has never had a bill or anything put in his name. My 18 yr old was graduating and asked me not to make him move forcibly so he wouldn't leave the state, so I waited for him to go. I limited the amount of time I was home and never left my room when I was there unless I was leaving or using the restroom. I am not saying what I did was right I wish I had been in a better position to leave.
I bought an rv with money I had saved for years doing side jobs that is what we have lived in for 3 years after he quit working 4 yrs ago for several months and we lost the house that my two jobs weren't enough to keep. I know it was self serving but after all this I wanted to keep the rv since it was going to be difficult to rent elsewhere with the credit issues. It hurts to hear that people think I wanted this to continue. Thank you for your feedback, it sounds like I deserved this because of my inability to stand up for myself. I am not sure if I should keep posting it feels like this isn't helping.
@fairmindedKitten808
That is not at all what I was saying. Some times when a person keeps this going living together when it is over they are holding on to something that is no longer there.
You obviously have had a difficult time and if abused explains why you let a person stay and such. Obviously you are a strong person but hiding the abuse and such only hurts you it did not save it from your kids and if you family did not know that can explain why they can still be friendly with him. Honesty up front makes a big difference read your posts the first makes it look much different then the nightmare the second one does.
