Familys are structerd differntly
Every family structer is different
Some kids are raised by a grandparent, two parent household, ect
I grew up in a 1.3-parent household
My mom was a single mom raising my siblings and I
I knew my dad, in early childhood, I lived with him but to say he was a present part of my childhood is an exaggeration
He physically exited my life when I started school and physically re-entered it when i was nearly an adult
outside of the phone calls on holidays or birthdays, I went years without seeing him
now as an adult I realize how much I resented him for that
Not only for him not being there but for how he acts like he raised his kids
I resent him for my mom, I understand her frustation
As a kid I just wanted my dad to be there but he enterd when it was to late
Now I just feel like im taking care of him more so then anything
I see my mom struggle and I just think 'what is he doing'
I think about all the time my siblings and I idialized my dad
I think about all the times my siblings and I got angry at my mom
my mom isnt perfect by a long shot but I relize we often blame the parent that showed up
As a kids my sublings and I didn't have anything to be angry at our dad about becouse he wasnt there but my mom was
We idolized him
For a long time he was the smartest person I knew, I held his name to such high regard
but now I just feel like he lets my mom and myself do all the work
Becouse of this i can be abit snappy with him
he never showed up for my life but he wants me to show up for his
he also has a sharp toung when hes around others
and I relize now that I take a almost didctor role
Im also over people walking over me and using me when I ask nothing from others
and I feel like he is using me at times
what im struggling with is how do i be a good doughter and show up for him
How do i let go of the resentment
@callmeRM he had plenty of time to show up and be a good dad to you. I think he's beyond blessed that you talk to him at all. I didn't have a family, so I'm not sure what it's like. But he doesn't deserve your love, whatever issues he was facing while you were young, is not a excuse to not be there for your own child. So I would say put your family first, that's the way it should be. Unfortunately your dad chose not to be part of it for so long. I'm not one to comfort you best with this situation, as I don't know what it's like. But please know I'm here for you we all are ❤ hugs you tightly ❤❤ I'm sorry I wasn't much help.
@callmeRM
That's a lot to process. Having a parent and not living near them does really stir up many complications. I am amaze how you all are welcoming to your dad and showing up for your part of the responsibility while he was not there with you, your siblings and mom during thick and thin. It's so blizzard how we have to deal with life. I understand your resentment and it is supposed to be there because we are not perfect people. The fact that you care and aware, you think about your mother in a way that shows how much you appreciate her for all the efforts. You are already a good daughter.
@callmeRM
You grew up with MOM and although you may have had troubles and struggles SHE was there everyday.
Did your Dad provide child support or was there a reason he was not more involved like your mom discouraging it? If it was his choice to NOT make the effort to show up or had another family or something .....he does not deserve you to step up for him.
I think it is Odd when parents who disappear then when child is grown wants to take credit for raising them and thinking you should want to be the good daughter and play some part in his life.
to let go of resentment you can just talk to him about Why if you like or just accept the fact he was NOT a dad to you or siblings and it was his loss as you became the person you are without him. that time is gone and can not be made up ... you could make him a friend but the title Dad was not earned.
@callmeRM I relize this post needs a bit more contexts, my dad was away becouse of work but work happened to be an ocean away. Im not sure how often he help my mom finacialy but I know it wasent regularly but a lot of larg purchases he help my mom with. She did work 2-4 jobs at any and all times growing up, becouse of this I raised myself for the most part. My mom never and would never stop me from speaking to him, she incaraged it and they are married. My siblings also had a much closer reationship with him becouse he would help them with school work and talk with them far more often then me. Hes much older now and has health conditions and im his primary care taker and frankly im still relatively young but a part of me feels like I cant live my life becouse I have to take care of him and I relize that although my mom is healthy now (thank God) in the next 10 years if not sooner ill be hers and also other members in my family who dont have kids that care take care of them. I feel like my world is on hold while I take care of him while the world is still moving. While my siblings who are 4 to 10 years older then me and quite francly had him in there life longer get to live theres while mine stoped before it began not to mention all his bills im responibly for.In the back of my head I cant help but think that im doing all of this for a man that was there for me for all of 4 years, all of witch he either had help for or I didnt need him for.