Feel Like Shutting Down
The last few days have been rough… Lots of different issues going on, lots of emotions, feeling rejected and alone and unwanted in a way. I feel invisible multiple times a week. I feel like I make more mistakes and mess up more than I make a difference sometimes. People say I’m changing lives and that I’m a blessing and such, but I just feel like… idk. Like my feeble attempts at loving people are just tiny drops that don’t do anything… That I’m just grumpy and annoying and a user and… trash, I guess.
Boundaries are an issue… One I haven’t mastered yet. I chase people who want nothing to do with me. I let people hurt me.
My PTSD has been so bad lately…
I’m not in crisis. I just feel like going radio silent. Like maybe things would go more smoothly if I just took a break from things for awhile. Like, in general. Not texting friends and such… Not going to events. Not contacting anyone except a select few.
When will my life begin?
Have you ever tried using Ai? Like an AI personal assistant? You could try that to help you process things, or to help you manage things you wouldn't want to talk about with others. In person therapy is also a great option if your schedule permits.
I actually do lol, it’s way better than google or even a therapist sometimes lol
@jesusredeemedme2425 Oh man, that's the trauma talkin. You aren't anywhere close to trash, or a user or annoying and shame on the people who helped you form that belief. It's normal and healthy to doubt. It's normal and healthy to stop and evaluate your path. However like too much of anything for too long we risk wandering into disorder territory so "moderation in all things" including what we think. We all need rest. We all need days of no friction and taking the path of least resistance instead of forcing everything. You are out there doing good works for folks, take some time and do some good work for yourself.
@jesusredeemedme2425 it's completly fine to take rest.. i don't talk to my friends for weeks... months.. and once i took a whole year. my family tells me to connect with them and i don't.. i felt guilty about it at first but then i did't care.. i know it's wrong but i also know it's my nature.. that is why i'm gonna say don't say trash about yourself.. trash people never sees themselves a trash and that's a reason ahy you are not.. you're aware of yourself and that's the most important thing.. i don't know you and just by your words i can say you're a good person in heart even if your love is lack for prople.. I don't love people from my heart too but i know cause I'm saving my own feelings either from damage or for the right person.. you're life has already begun.. just lead it gently..
@jesusredeemedme2425
your attempts to love others is not feeble. every drop is something to drink. you're an amazingly selfless human, and because you are you need to stop and care for yourself even more. self-care and breaks. anyone who is anyone that matters will understand.