Feel Like Shutting Down
The last few days have been rough… Lots of different issues going on, lots of emotions, feeling rejected and alone and unwanted in a way. I feel invisible multiple times a week. I feel like I make more mistakes and mess up more than I make a difference sometimes. People say I’m changing lives and that I’m a blessing and such, but I just feel like… idk. Like my feeble attempts at loving people are just tiny drops that don’t do anything… That I’m just grumpy and annoying and a user and… trash, I guess.
Boundaries are an issue… One I haven’t mastered yet. I chase people who want nothing to do with me. I let people hurt me.
My PTSD has been so bad lately…
I’m not in crisis. I just feel like going radio silent. Like maybe things would go more smoothly if I just took a break from things for awhile. Like, in general. Not texting friends and such… Not going to events. Not contacting anyone except a select few.
When will my life begin?
@jesusredeemedme2425 I see you, trying to bring positive attention to others, support others with relies, bring some happiness with silly icebreakers (which nothing to do with you are not my favourite - I swear some teachers used to laugh at my expression when doing getting to know you sort of activities - yet some of yours caught my eye and you drew me into participating) plus other things here. You have a lot of pen pal threads. 7 cups can be a lot and like most things, your mistake rate is only going to go down so much. So doing something a lot, there's still going to be a number of mistakes just out of the high number. Sometimes it's not you making the mistake but someone else is the problem. Then there's also the stresses of real life.
What helps recharge you? Maybe a day off of here (or whatever length of time feels right), doing something you enjoy. Or maybe it's focusing on a few things here (like this, a support thread for you) and avoiding threads where others are seeking support. Compassion fatigue does get discussed on the listener side.
Or maybe I'm reading this wrong and here is what is recharging you and you need to carve out a break from something else in your life?
There's a lot of self-care ideas. A bath, self-massage, gentle yoga or other stretching routine, getting out into nature, coffee with a friend, a bit of retail therapy (focusing moreso on the enjoyable time, not necessarily the buying itself, even the library could count here).
Compassion fatigue sounds like something I’m dealing with… Can you please tell me more about it? Maybe it should be spoken of more…
@jesusredeemedme2425 Here's a pretty good article about it. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/compassion-fatigue
I can post more about it, I'm doing a fair bit offline for a long weekend though, so might take a while.
Thanks! No pressure <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
*Sends comforting vibes your way* It is very sad hearing you talk so harshly about yourself, and I wish there was something that could just make all that disappear for you instantly.
You know best what you might need to find your equilibrium again, and I am confident all of us who care about you will support whatever path you choose.
We are in your corner Kiara.
@jesusredeemedme2425 i dont have much to say, here. You are helping, Kiara, but i dont know how to convince you of that.
Even so, we all care for you. I hope something happens to uplift your spirits 🤍
🫂🫂🫂🌷
I hear you. I really do. And I just want you to know, you have made a difference. You made me feel seen and heard, and that’s not a small thing. Honestly, you’re one of the reasons I even felt brave enough to keep writing. So even if it feels like you're just dropping tiny bits of love into an ocean, I promise, those drops ripple.
It’s okay to step back for a while. Protecting your peace isn’t wrong, it’s wise. But don’t forget: you matter, even when you're quiet. You’re human. And you’re loved. 🌷
we will be still here. Still grateful for you. 🫂🫂🫂🫂
Well, I for one feel super lucky to have you as a friend, and your caring counts for a lot!
Do what you need to, and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Sometimes we all need that time, and sometimes it helps in ways we don't expect.
@jesusredeemedme2425 sending you a lot of hugs. You are making a difference, and what you do matters. We love you here. 😊
That said, let´s look at the things one by one. I will be sharing my personal experience, since I feel like we exhibit a lot of very similar behaviors and patterns. I may not be right in my assessment, but you can at least compare our experiences and see if something resonates with you. (It will be a multiple part-er because i can´t post the entire thing at once for some reason)
I don´t think you are messing things up, what is more likely in my opinion is either taking way more responsibility over others life and action then you actually have as you try to help them, or not being okay with upsetting a few people who in reality got upset over nothing or a difference in opinion, and should just genuinely be told to go cry about it. I think you are a very kind person who fears upsetting others. But trust me. You can´t please or help everyone. As long as you stay polite and true to your values, it´s completely okay to just tell some people to f*** off sometimes.
I think based on what you said in this post (and i´m not a mental health professional, so this is purely sharing my own experiences), I’d say you might be trying to fill a hole left by self-neglect and dissatisfaction (and possibly self-hate) by pouring yourself into others. There was once a post somewhere regarding something similar, which spoke about trying so hard for others is often something that we do to fill the void left by not being kind to ourselves. Is there any chance this is happening to you?
As for your thoughts on going radio silent, I fully support you in this. Whether you decide to take a break completely, or just interact with your few closest friends for a while. Use this time to reflect on your relationships and make some tough decisions if needed. I am also in my radio silent time currently, leading me as far as to uninstall a certain social media app for a while due to it not being good for my mental health.
I may be wrong. But you can not move forward with your life if you are constantly pouring yourself out. And I say it as exactly the type of person who experienced it firsthand. I was busy caring for everyone who needed it. Throwing myself into the world of online friends. I was constantly busy, talking to someone and centering my life around others. And now? My friends are getting engaged. Working on their careers. Travelling. Getting indepandent. All while I´m stuck at my parent´s house, burnt out, sad, with *** health and with the indepandence level of a 15 years old.
All of that because i focused so hard on everyone else´s life that i forgot my main responsibility is to focus on my own. Sure, I went to school, did my schoolwork, had friends and dreams etc. But while everyone focused on themselves, I was busy trying to calm someone´s violent anger outbursts. It destroyed me. And now i´m nowhere in life. I´m broken. And still trying to unlearn a lot of what got me in this situation on the first place. And I really. And i mean really don´t want you to get in this situation.
So f*** it. Reevaluate your relationships. Don´t play mom to people who aren’t your partner or children. Sure, help out and support your friends if needed, but you need to weed out your circle first. It is extremely uncomfortable, because it involves looking at everyone you know, and asking yourself if this relationship truly matters. If they are a good person. And if your connection with them is not harming you or your other relationships. Draw yourself a relationship circle if needed, but decide who really matters to you. Who are the people you need to cut off immediately. And who are people who are on their way out anyway and you want to let fade out naturally. You may not weed out the entire circle all at once, but what matters is taking at least the first step and identifying the dangerous or toxic people, and those who drain you and removing them from your life. Be the villain if necessary, your health and wellbeing is worth it.
@sadcat13 there is a bit more but cups simply refuses to send it
Will try to rewrite it, but I genuinely don't know what the flying f*** it has a problem with... Like come on... Out of everything I said, this is the least problematic part lol. But anyway, we have a post to finish, so here we go:
And what is important, don't be afraid to make the necessary changes that need to be made, even if they are uncomfortable at the moment, but are important for your long-term well-being. Because without making these changes, using the fish and water analogy, you will just get right back into the bad water that was not good for you in the first place.
@jesusredeemedme2425 ah it breaks my heart to hear you talking like this 🥺 You have a big heart, you are funny, unique and kind, you care and you feel big, but please only give energy once your energy is matched and don't care more about others than you do for yourself 💜😊 You are not invisible here. When we don't feel out best, our inner monologue can be damaging and doesn't aid us, you need to refresh, take time for you, heal and not doubt, and its not something small you are doing here, every greeting you post, every kind word lufts someone's day and I knew no one and your kindness to me didn't go unrecognised and neither was it a small thing to me 💜🥰
@jesusredeemedme2425 Shutting down might not be the answer but try becoming a turtle instead. You bunker down to relax but keep your ears open, so if something does come up you can pop out your shell. But then again I'm no expert.
That sounds amazing. How would that work? <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 Don't shut down, minimize. Less wildness, live, don't go wild. A simple life, Close friends, loving family.
I am SO the opposite of living wild lol! I need coaxing out of my shell hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425 Oooh, well, oops I misunderstood then.
I’ll curl up with a book, how bout that hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425
I feel you.
You want to make a difference because you truly care, and sometimes you can't see your influence.
I have Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. It used to really affect me. It would sting when I went unheard, misunderstood, rejected. I would think: This is hopeless, I'm shutting down so I cannot be hurt.
I would engage in negative self-talk. I would hate on myself as if it were my life's purpose. I was convinced I was broken, incapable, that I just did not matter. That I couldn't make a difference. That I had no control.
And I realised there are some things I simply cannot control. I cannot make people reply. I cannot force understanding. But I can control how I respond.
I speak now not for recognition, but for self-expression. If it reaches someone, that's wonderful. But if it makes no difference, I still gain from it. I learn, as putting things into words is a form of introspection. There is value in screaming into the void.
I fully accept my limitations now. But I take great pride in my effort. I know I'm trying. That's all you can really do.
But rest assured: you are changing hearts. You're changing mine. Even though I'm in a good spot, I'm still very much healing. I just finally have the clarity to start processing some of my trauma.
Take a break if you need to. You would be missed, but you must love and accept yourself first. You can't do it all at once. You've already done so much. Have faith in my endless faith in you.
@jesusredeemedme2425
I really identify with all of this
Yeah? How so? <3