Feeling hopeless, lost, lonely, unworthy of love
Hello, I am a 50 yr old, married for 28 years (been together for almost 34 years), 2 grown children, 3 grandkids and I’m miserable!!! I have been through *** and back, Five times!!! Since birth my life has been a lot of ups but looking back on everything, ALOT more downs. When people hear my life history, most are so shocked (chin on the floor), then ask me- “How the *** are you not locked in a loony bin? How are you not mental “checked out”??” And my answer to all of them has been “why should I allow something or someone to have that power over me, only to destroy me?
I am in control of my destiny? I am in charge of my happiness? Why let someone or something have that power over one’s self? It may have made me into who I am today, but it doesn’t control me!!!
I have had many years of therapy and been given the tools to attack a problem face to face, process it, and file it away so that I can keep moving forward.
But I am really lost and don’t know where to go from here. I feel like my marriage is going down the drain, it’s not getting any better, we (my husband & I) have been crossing the line when it comes to pushing each others buttons, gotten physical, and even crossed the line when speaking (yelling) to each other. There is no “fair fighting” with us, we feed off each other.
One will be calm, cool, not upset, while the other is *** off, being hurtful, spiteful, and down right cruel. And it’s not always the same person. We trade back and forth. I’m so tired of all the hurt, and being hurtful.
Also this all started because I’m an Aries, he is a Leo. Both fire signs, he does not forget nor forgive, he cannot let the past be the past. He says “he doesnt have to”, and that my crazy *** is just trying to make him look bad.
Me on the other hand, I am super stubborn, have an identic memory, and I work off of time lines.
We should have split many years ago, but neither of us really has anywhere to go, so we are kinda stuck with one another, just going thru the motions. While loosing all respect for one another, along with many deaths, and it seems like it’s inevitable that we are going to split up. And maybe so, but I have got to try EVERYTHING in my power to salvage what little bit of a marriage I have left, before throwing the towel in and calling it quits.
So my biggest question is when is enough - enough? When should one pack a bag and walk out the door for good?
34 years is a lot to just toss out like trash? A lot of sweat, blood, tears, and a hellava lot of time wasted!!!
Please let me know what yall think??
@FeelinglostinAZ
I feel for you and your situation, I have been there.
Married 32 years and together 42 years. The past 20+ were tough. We basically just co-habitated in the house.
My wife is a Leo, and she is the one who can fly off the handle at times and can never forget the past. We have had our share of ups and downs, and one foot out the door.
A year ago, we reached a breaking point. Finally sat down and hashed out all our differences and what was on our chest. We were spending too much time on our phones on I. G. and ignoring each other for years. We decided to get off I. G. And talk to each other more. Our main issue was that we were both lonely.
We are finally in a good place, sure there are still arguments, me mostly the quiet one and her flying off the handle.
I hope you and your husband can work things out, 30+ years is a lot to just throw away
Thank you, you give me hope that maybe I should try a little harder. We are both just stubborn and neither wants to give in or back down. But I have always said that he and I would grow old together sitting on a porch watching grandkids play in the yard.
And I still feel that way.
So thank you for the kind words-you have given me hope!!
@FeelinglostinAZ
I'm glad I could bring light to your story and I hope it continues for many years to come. 🤗☺️ Sending lots of love and hugs your way 🤗🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️❤️
Your future sounds like our story. We always talk about growing old together and sitting on the front porch. We have 3 grandkids and they are a joy to have around. 💞💖
34 years is a lot of course but what about the next 34 years to come - your focus has to be there as well. What you've had no one can take from you. I am one of those who believe in and desire for eternal love and want to endure hardships to get there .... but the thing is I alone can't get this done because the vision of eternal love through marriage / partnership is a joint one. You both need to think about your health and happiness, where does it truly lie, and come to a mutual conclusion. Lots of love, may you arrive at the best answers 💛
@FeelinglostinAZ
I’m sorry about what you are going through. I am in a similar boat although younger. I think you actually have a lot of advice to offer women younger than you that are struggling. We need women like you to speak up. You have a lot of value and I understand how difficult it can be. I wish nothing but the best for you
Thank you for the big boost of my confidence. I once spoke at a meeting of women here in my town. I was quite nervous at first but then once I spoke and towards the end, when it was questions being asked of me, it felt great. I have always wanted to go around like junior high schools and speak to young girls about teen pregnancy, sexual abuse, and rising above it all.
But again thank you for your kind words.
I feel this exact way in my marriage too. Im a head on kind of gal so I got myself therapy he has had therapy and soon we attend together. It's helping alot