Good News and Bad News
First the bad news. Here is what really sucks. When a "friend" or "family" member moans and groans and says they don't want to talk any more because they don't feel like it, or just goes to hide in their bedroom because they can't face someone attacking our family. And I have to dig deep to read all of their actions that have been going on for months and finally decide that I can't take this non-behaviour anymore...this non-communication, this non-action to defend us...defend me and defend themselves. I decide to nicely move forward because they are clearly having some problems with communicating with me, and I need to move forward because that's the healthy thing to do. Because that is what it going to protect myself. I take action. Then after I say that I am going to move forward, they say, 'ok, that's what I want too, and I hope to hear from you sometime.' So I end up being the strong one. They end up being the weak one and taking advantage of my strength to softly move forward in the best way I can. It sucks when I find out that a friend didn't want to be a friend after all, but they didn't have the strength to say so. Damn, I'm sick of that ***.
I feel like a gladiator in the ring who won another battle but throws down the sword at the end because in the ring, it comes down to me defending myself and helping them, no matter how piteously they clung to my strength for a way out.
Here is the good news. Yesterday I was offered my dream job at the university. I think I am still accepting it. I am going to make an appointment to get new glasses because I need them badly but have not been in a position to pay for the eye doctor and the glasses. And I'm going to buy a new phone because my phone just cuts out when it wants to and says "shutting down." Then it's like it is in phone cemetery and won't turn back on until it is ready. It's better than nothing so i have accepted it. But no more. :) I've been put in charge of the largest of their 3 facilities and am being trained to run all 3 when necessary. All this sounds wonderful, mind you, but I have to keep the job. lol No job is an endless guaranteed place in Heaven. I have to work hard and stay alert to what is going on in the job. I will continue to pray to God for guidance. I must continue to trust Him to guide me. And today I plan to pray prostrate because that is how much I love Him and thank Him for what he has done for me.
And I thank you all for how you have helped me. You are my family. You have helped me more than any blood family ever could or would. You are all beautiful people who are learning how to better their mental health and that rubs off on me in the most healthy, beautiful, and helpful way. Thank you.
Love and blessings, tree
@purpleTree4652
Congratulations on the new job..... getting new phone and glasses
i think sometimes we put up with failing phone for example because we do not treat ourselves as worth the upgrade....i have held on to things far to long telling myself it is OK but in the end i was only punishing myself.
Sorry your friend wants to just shut down but that is out of your control and you should always do or fight for what you want and believe in .... even if others who should have your back do not.
@purpleTree4652 Congrats on getting that job! Yes, no job is a paradise but then, nowhere is it written that we will find heaven on Earth other than maybe the book of Revelation...& I don't believe in the NT so as far as I'm concerned, that doesn't count. Do your training, pay attention, take it as seriously as you have to (but no more than that), & get that paycheck. If you're able to save any 💵 after paying the bills, then you can stack your cash until you have enough to invest in non-depreciating assets. That would be sweet.
As for the rest, there's an old saying: "with friends like that, who needs enemies?" The same can be said for relatives.
@slowdecline48
Hi, Slow, It's so nice to hear from a friendly friend. :)
I completely agree with cutting off friends and family who turn out to be people we wouldn't want in our lives. But today I need a friend. Tomorrow starts my 8 hour orientation at university, and next week starts my classes, and I woke up so scared. I keep telling myself that I can do it, but I'm in tears. No matter how many deep breathing exercises I do today, or how much I tell myself that I did the work to get here and the university believes in me, it isn't working. Today I feel like a failure. And every damn department I call today is out. The mental health facility where I go for therapy and my meds closed at noon today. The disability services department at school is out to lunch from noon to one. And today I just really need a hand.
Thank you for giving me your very sound advice about how to keep my job. I am going to print that out and hang it on my door. Every time I come and go I'll think of you telling me how to keep the job. Thanks for the congrats, too.
Let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you.
xo, tree
@purpleTree4652 I'm with you in spirit, if not in meatspace...(does anyone still use that term anymore?)
With all the preparation you've done, the odds are in your favor. Whenever you feel doubtful or worse, remember that. You made it this far--we both know it.
@slowdecline48
lol--I haven't heard the term meat space before, but I like it!
Thank you again for your support. You brought tears to my eyes.
I'm in Alabama. Yes, Cali was turning into a real open sewer. I moved away from there two years ago.
I may not be near, but I will always travel for a good person in need, and you fit that description. Plus, if you need to talk, I can always listen.
And thanks for reminding me of your pics. I like the very first one, I think you called it Circuit. I'm going to spend some time browsing there after I read my study tips.
(big hug and a kiss on the cheek)
--tree
@purpleTree4652 You made me feel warm & fuzzy...
How goes it now? You started that job, I presume.
@slowdecline48
Hi, Slow,
(giggles) I'm glad I gave you warm and fuzzies. You help me feel strength from your advice. No, I start on Monday the 28th. I have your advice about paying attention, taking it as serious as i have to but no more, I getting that paycheck taped right next to my front door. I looked at it today when I went out. It is such a wise message. How did you get so wise? Is it because you're gay? :) (You told me that. I don't mean any insults. I think you're perfect just the way you are.)
I told another friend how I was having anxiety attacks and/or panic attacks. (I'm not sure how to tell one from the other.) She told me to just take one day at a time. That has been extremely helpful, too. I printed that message and want to hang it by your message by my front door.
I wanted to let you know that I can't see past one page of your pics. Is that on purpose? I really love your work.
What is going on in your life?
Thank you for being in my life.
Love, Dawna
As for what you can do for me: not much, considering the distance...you're not in the Free State of Florida anymore, if memory serves. (You didn't go to California, did you? 😳 I left that h€llhole over two decades ago...only time I went back was to settle my mother's affairs during her final year)
You can always check out my hobby journal if you have a spare minute for diversions.
@purpleTree4652 Before I go for today, a minor detail: in a different thread you might've confused me with someone else....I'm not gay. 😄 No shade toward anyone who is--where I come from gays & lesbians have always been there, so I'm used to them. Had a gay friend for a while. Consenting adults can love whoever they want (even as homos*xuality is not purely a choice). But I've never been gay myself. Dunno how you got that impression, tbh. 😂
Anyway, be well.
@slowdecline48
OMG, I'm so sorry. I thought I remembered you telling me that. Maybe it was soon after we started writing that I read into things. I have been known to read into things. Can you forgive me? I get that being gay is neither here nor there to either of us. I feel like I have damaged our friendship. That is probably me reading into it, too. Ugh.
*LOL* Take it easy, you didn't do anything wrong! I thought your post was funny as h*ll...am still laughing now, in fact. They're the funniest comments I read all of last week. 🤣
@purpleTree4652
Hi tree! ♥️
First off, I’m sorry about the difficulties with false friends and “family” members who take advantage of you. It must be an emotionally draining ordeal to go through. You can only help someone so much before it becomes detrimental to yourself, and ultimately, it is their responsibility to better themselves (if they choose to do so). I know it isn’t easy walking away from these toxic relationships. You have so much more strength and grace in you than you realize. Take a moment to be proud of yourself for that.
Congratulations on getting your dream job! I can’t sufficiently express how thrilled I am for you. 😄 I hope it treats you well, and I also hope you can get a new phone and glasses of good quality soon. I’m in need of new glasses myself, but I still need to sort through some things first.
Wishing you the best for everything in your life! Keep moving forward.
Love,
Autumn ♥️🍁🍂
@TheAutumnWitch
Dear Sister Autumn,
It's always so great to hear from you. You are my true sister in life, and I only wish we could be in touch irl.
The family and false friends problems have come to a close. I am no longer in touch with anyone from my birth family and no longer in touch with the false friend. That is good in a hard to digest way. But now I can move forward and only invite people into my life who are good people. It's a path I will be taking on edge. I'm still learning to trust my intuition.
Thank you for saying that I have strength and grace. It takes one to know one, my dear sister. lol
Thank you also for the congrats on my dream job. Yes, I hope it treats me well, too. It is just a job for an grad student, but the amount of responsibility is huge. I will be in charge of closing their largest library every night. It is eight stories. I am just doing what I can to reach out for help when needed and listen to good advice. I'm afraid of messing up the new job, but another friend told me to take life one day at a time. I know I've heard that before, but it was needed for me to hear it now. And the saying is helping to calm me down.
I understand sorting through a few things first, before getting glasses and a phone. I hope the things you need to sort through go easily.
I wish you all the best in life, too, so that you may live life easily and with all the love from the good will of the good people on our planet.
Love, Dawna