Hello
hello. i dont know if writing here makes any sense but here i am now so..
ive been struggling to fight negative emotions. when im feeling better i instantly forget and reject the thought that i ever felt bad, talking about my feelings is only possible when im feeling bad.. otherwise i just laugh at how pathetic whatever im going through is..
i feel like the more time passes the more difficult it gets to keep the emotions. i used to be a quiet child (i guess i still kind of am?) , my family has and still thinks of me as rational and cold person who doesnt get bothered and doesnt have much feelings.
ive spent 4 years away from them living alone, i would hardly talk to any of them during that time, no one knew what i was doing in my life. i had no other choice but to come back and now that i am back everything is even worse.
there are so many things going through my head right now that i forgot what i even wanted to say from the beginning.
my ups and downs are so quick that i start to disassociate and lose sense of self.
i am slowly losing my feelings now and getting numb. this makes no sense to write no more. i feel like i didnt even say what i wanted.
well what can i do now.
@berryohberry I used to suppress and ignore negative emotions. That didn't work out well for me.
@KrillCactus. "being strong" by feeling no emotions is so strong in my core that its difficult to be vulnerable because i feel weak.
what did you do to not ignore those feelings
@berryohberry I asked God for help.
I am sorry that you are going through a rough patch. But I wondered why you associated having feelings as somewhat of a weakness. I actually think that taking care of problems head on takes a lot of strength and courage, and the same applies for taking care of your feelings too. To me, feeling feelings actually takes more energy and time and courage, but it also allows you to become more true to yourself at a more fundamental than trying to be logical and rational all the time. Humans are not made to be rational and logical 100%, so I think you can perhaps try exploring why tslking about or introspecting about your feeling is somewhat of a weakness in your eyes when it actually is the option that requires more strength or courage. Good luck and wish you doing better soon!
@IsaSilver. i guess its because i always had to take care of my mother. like everything was always about her life. i could never rely on her and had to make sure that she wasnt doing stupid things.. even other family members would call me and tell me to do something with her. so i ended up not thinking about myself and not expressing my feelings because she was relying on me emotionally but she never actually listened to me. and she still never does.. every time i forget that she is like that and decide to tell her something, she always starts talking about herself and never listens how i feel or what i want. its always about her needs and wants and feelings..
but you are right that feelings require more strength , time and courage. i guess i feel embarrassed because i am way emotional than i was as a child . and also i feel like a burden with all these emotions.
thank you so much though! i will try to explore my feelings more..
@IsaSilver Well said
I'm sorry you're feeling frustrated about this. I'm like that too. I can be emotional when I get frustrated. I grew up in a large family and I am very quiet. The struggles you're facing are making you stronger. You need to get away from your family for your own sake. Find a support group to help you with your negative thoughts and feelings. You will get better over time.
@creativeFaith8688
thank you! i also think that being away from my family makes me feel better in some aspects. i hope i can find some support group.
berry, I am sorry to hear that you are struggling.The more you practice talking about your feelings the easier it gets to process.
It is good that you reached out. We will be here to support you in the ups and downs. Take it one day at a time. Sending you support❤️
@brightChestnut1771
thank you! im happy so many people replied, i didnt expect it, i feel little better about myself
Hey there! I am sorry you have to deal with it like this. I understand you on some level because I have been through that phase. We try and suppress our pessimistic, negative emotions because we don't usually trust/rely on the audience we have. There are other people who think it is much of a burden for others to listen to their emotions, and think that they should keep quiet until the emotion fades away. Usually, it doesn't. It only gets replaced by a neutral or a happy emotion and is long forgotten, or like you said, untalked about. But when another trouble hits us, the forgotten emotion now resurfaces and clashes back with double the intensity because of how it had been treated before.
This just goes on until there is this big heap of negativity just living inside our brains. It's like slow poison. It kills your soul slowly.
I just want to say that, before you let anybody make an opinion about you, you should try and understand yourself first. Why is it that you suppress your negativity? Are you afraid it would display you as a vulnerable person? Or are you just scared that others might not react the way you want them to? There can be other reasons, as well. It's not like you have to bind yourself along these boundaries and just have a yes or a no for these. Let's try and understand ourselves first. That would help.
Often others' judgmental opinions about us also burden us and make us feel like our conveyance would be overlooked/ignored. So, let's forget the world for a while and try and heal the world inside us first. Only then will we be able to react and maintain relationships in what people and society define to be the 'healthy' way. Good luck!
Much love! ❤️
@MagnificentCloud803
thank you so much! you are right, i struggle to have good relationship with myself and place others above myself. i need to take care , listen and be a friend of myself. it just gets difficult.. especially when in relationships i have a fear of rejection and feel scared to express my needs. i become attached and the other person becomes everything. which makes it even more difficult to express my feelings.
do you maybe have any recommendations on how i should start listening to myself more and not giving in..
@berryohberry
Hey there! There aren't any special recommendations one can give to improve since it works differently for everybody. Although, every method's first step is to acknowledge yourself. I know it sounds like it's an easy thing to do and sometimes we also believe that we have accepted ourselves fully but it all comes down to a horrible halt once something goes wrong. You see, we aren't our truest selves in times of sheer joy; we are our truest selves in times of despair and misery. Because that is when we have to make difficult decisions and adjust to our surroundings and react to them.
God forbid, but, if you face this bout of negativity again, try and analyze yourself. What was the root of this negativity? Did your brain create any such thought which aggravated it? Does writing down your feelings help? Maybe if you start questioning yourself, you will find answers.
As for relationships with other people, we all take boundaries very lightly. There shouldn't be a power imbalance where the other person can toy you around like anything and then throw you away when they're done. It takes time, but you'll have to convince yourself that there is nothing wrong with saying 'no' to others. Try and evaluate your dependency, and check on your relationships.
In the end, aside from our acquaintances and our familial bonds, in today's world, it is only us who needs us. So, looking for people who'd treat you the way you treat them (unconditionally, that is) is not a very wise choice. Just trust the process, and be a little tough at first. If the people in your life really want your good, they'd stay regardless.
I hope this helps. Much love! ❤️
You are not alone with these thoughts. You did a good job expressing yourself. It's a good thing to get your thoughts out like you did!
@shyCat542
thank you!
