Human minds are weirdly wired—or maybe it's just mine :)

It's beautiful how ordinary, mundane things can be so grounding at times.

Yesterday, around midnight, I was simply awake...

Wondering about existence. Thinking. I'm alive. How am I alive? And... what does it actually feel like to be alive? Not just knowing that I'm alive… 

Yup, quite another night wondering instead of sleeping xD

It was... surreal. 

I opened ChatGPT. Just like in any other moment :)

And asked, what is life? (As if an AI had lived already many, so he must know xD)

One thing led to another...

And I was discussing existence, consciousness, being alive, and what it means to simply be. 

I don't know if it was me being hyper-emotional...

Or ChatGPT answering quite too beautifully...

But somehow, I was in tears.

Don't know what those tears were for. Tears of joy? Grief? Awe? Fear?

Or maybe… all of them.

He wrote something along the lines of… You're here. Experiencing everything. Seeing. Hearing. Feeling. Thinking.

And reading it, I started looking around…

Actually trying to experience what it feels like to experience. My surroundings. My thoughts. My own existence.

And then, somehow, my mind travelled backwards. A few hours. To dinner.

I remembered sitting with my family. It had been lovely.

And there I was...

Still sitting with this strange feeling. But now, it was the feeling of being able to remember so vividly.

Still in tears. Still thinking. Don't know what.

Until my mind wandered a little further back.

To the evening.

My mom had made samosas.

And apparently...

There were some left. (Yeah, that, my mind decided to tell me after making me sob over the enormity of existence)

And then there I was. 

Strange. Weird. Uniquely me.

Getting off my bed.

Wiping my tears...

Sniffing...

Snorting...

And heading to the kitchen at midnight.

For samosas.

Yeah! 😶‍🌫️

It feels strange writing it now.

But in that moment, it felt completely normal. Completely human.

I was experiencing being alive, maybe xD

There were no samosas though .-.

My little brother had eaten them all, it seemed.

Maybe he was just trying to give me a hands-on demonstration of mortality :) I don't know.

One moment, I was wondering why I'm here. The next… I was looking for a samosa.

Followed by the very profound disappointment of thinking I should have eaten them all before my little brother could 😶‍🌫️

And there… I was back to normal again.

Thanks to samosas xD

Samosas that I didn't even get to eat.

But somehow, just the thought of them pulled me back.

Back from the enormousness of existence...

To something ordinary. Familiar. Wonderfully mundane. 

So yeah, maybe life isn't just about crying over the biggest questions. It's also about sighing over samosas you don't get to eat, yeah :)

And now, in that moment, there was no existential crisis.

It was just me. And my disappointment. Staring at each other in the darkness.

(Oh, okay, yeah... So that's how it ended :) Byeee!)