I Feel Crazy. Tw: Sibling Sexual Abuse

Welp, I’m a wreck, to be honest. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. I don’t know which feelings are right or which ones are wrong, or if there’s even a wrong way to feel. I want so badly to be over what my brother did to forget about it or simply move on like everyone wants me to. They act like I want to feel the way I do, or like I’m acting the way I do for attention. I don’t want him to be a part of my life, but he is. When he’s around, I have to be careful with what I say, how I act, and what I wear, just to avoid anything ever happening again. That doesn’t feel fair to me. “He’s changed” is all I ever hear. But has he? Because he has openly said that if a girl dresses a certain way, it’s okay for him to look. He openly whispered to my sister that he bet I was wearing a thong. My sister had to tell me to go change. Yeah, that’s what change sounds like for sure. How dumb do you have to be to believe that? I guess all of these thoughts are coming from the fact that I just saw him. I hate seeing him. I hate the sound of his voice. Something about his voice makes me so uncomfortable and just so uneasy. I know I sound crazy, but his voice makes my stomach turn. I feel crazy who feels like this toward their brother? This complete uneasy feeling, the mix of anger and sadness. I understand I might just be crazy, but the feeling absolutely sucks. I don’t want to keep bringing this up in therapy either, because I know hearing about the same situation over and over has to get annoying. But in life, yeah this same situation floats through my head a lot.