Idk what I'm doing anymore..
Idk what I'm doing, I acc hate myself so much. I feel so alone. Everything just so hurts so much, I'm tired of everything. I feel like I'm behind everyone else. That I should know what I'm doing, that I should have my life together. And ik I'm still young but I feel like I should at least have things figured out.. or at least started to figure things out. I graduate in two years. And that feels like nothing. Idek where I want to go to college or what I want to study. I mean I have a general Idea but I'm still not sure.
I just feel so alone. I feel like I'm just useless and broken. I try so hard everyday but it never feels like it's enough. No one sees how much effort it takes for me to get through the day. How much everything weighs on me. And I've gotten so good at hiding how I feel that "I'm fine" is the automatic response to if I'm okay. I have no one who really cares, no one who bothers, I really am alone. I'm just a burden to everyone. I don't belong here, never have. I don't belong anywhere. I feel so dissociated every single day, I genuinely can't remember things anymore. Entire days feel foggy and distant, and I can barely remember the details of it all. Idk why my memory has been so bad. Even when I'm not dissociated I still can't remember things. It's acc so scary sometimes. I just wish things would make sense, I wish the pain would stop.
@IzzyGamer
You are not useless 💛
You are not broken 💛
You are exhausted.
You have been through too much.
And you've been carrying too much fir way too long.
It can feel like there's no way through
But there always is 💛
You don't have to have it all figured out right now 💛
@Amanda84
It's just so hard when I feel so alone all the time. It's exhausting having to carry so much every single day.
@IzzyGamer I hear you, and I want you to knwot aht you'renot useless and you're not broken for feeling this way 💖 Your feelings are valid, and they matter — you matter 💜
Please be gentle with yourself, you don't have to have it all figured out today 💜 and you don't have to pretend to be fine here 💖 I'm here for you 💜 Sending you lots of love 💗🫂
I'm sorry you feel this way because I've been there (and never left to be honest) and it's not the best feeling. It really gets jn the way of living. At one point the pain is no longer as excruciating, it doesn't burn but it's still there and comes and goes in waves.
But honestly, be fair to yourself. Take a step back and look at what you've accomplished and how things are going objectively. Would you be as acerbic if it was someone else instead of you? If no, then why not give yourself a bit of grace.
I understand how horrible it is to struggle by yourself and feel like no matter what you do it goes unseen, lost a lot of years by just waiting for the moment someone would get a glimpse of me, you know? At one point i realised I don't even see my own self clearly anymore. I really hope you give yourself more credit and kindness.