I don’t matter
You are kind, but it doesn’t matter.
You are pretty, but it doesn’t matter.
You work hard, does it matter?
Nothing matters.
I am kind, but it is a lie.
I care for you, but I really don’t.
I am alive, does it matter?
I don’t matter.
Alone we are born
Alone we dwell inside our minds
Alone we die
You matter to you
How did you get here? Was it because of your efforts alone?
What we’re all the conditions that had to be present for YOU to be here?
The universe forming, life beginning on earth, humans beginning life on earth, and thousands of grandparents and hundreds of thousands of others who made it possible for all those grandparents of yours to live, and finally, now YOU are here
All those lives, all those struggles, all the joy and frustration and pain they endured, through famine, and times of plenty, through persecution and triumph, people in your lineage with their hopes and dreams survived another day, and because of all that HERE YOU are
You can breath. You have access to the internet. You have probably eaten today. You might try to develop some reverence for your life and gratitude for what you have. Yes we’re “alone” and yes we eventually die, as did your great great great grandparents. You come from a long line of dead people. I bet some of them had your same thoughts, “I’m alone”, “I will die”, “I don’t matter.” But they did matter. They brought us you. You may matter in some small ways in this interconnected world, or even in big ways some day. Your paying your electricity bill might mean that the janitor at the electricity plant feeds his family tonight. Suppose his daughter goes on to become a doctor who discovers the cure to cancer. You are part of that.
You get to experience your emotions. You have the chance to learn how to experience them. There can be a lot of richness there, even through the painful emotions. And most of us humans would hang on to the side of a cliff by our fingernails in bitter cold to avoid falling to our death, just for another breath. So I’d say something inside of you says YOU MATER A LOT!
Gratitude for your life or [focus] about how it sucks. Your choice.
Edited by AffyAvo Oct 28, 2022 for unsupportive tone.
@helpfulAvocado7912 none of the things you mentioned really matter. The random chance of me getting here. A roll of dice. I was unlucky to be born.
@aragorn2 Well I’m sorry if you feel that way. Are you here on 7 Cups to try to change that or do you just want to complain?
@aragorn2
You matter. You always matter. Sometimes when things get hard, we also become hard on ourselves. But we shouldn't be. We should be kind to ourselves. Even when we think we have a lot we want to criticize from ourselves, we should be gentle with ourselves. Maybe other people can't always see your true value. But don't let yourself fail to see it too.
@Litepanda we shouldn’t be gentle to ourselves. The world will not be gentle, better to get used to it.
@aragorn2 Being hard on ourselves is a common tactic, but it also turns out to be a really bad choice. You’re right, the world will be hard on us. So, should we join the bully mob of the world and beat up on ourselves too? If you want to complain about the world and how hard it is on you, poor little you who chooses to be a little sulking ball of mad because the world is cruel, go ahead beat yourself up, find meaning in nothing, and whine about it!
@helpfulAvocado7912 at least I’m not an a hole. You don’t like it, move on.
@aragorn2
I know the world can be very harsh. But that's all the more reason we should be gentle with ourselves. If we let our hearts harden and turn cold, it would do more bad than good to us. I know that you're currently very disappointed with what the world has done to you. And it's normal to feel upset and angry. But if you continue to feel apathetic about it, you are decreasing your own value.
Just because some people failed to appreciate you, doesn't mean everyone would. If you're open to a positive mindset and positive feelings, you will draw positive people who truly care about you. And maybe at the place you are right now, it doesn't seem possible. But this world is filled with many different people. And those who let you down don't represent the world as a whole.
I hope you can heal from the damage those people cause you and find the strength to always be the best version of yourself. Don't do it for others. You might get disappointed. Do it for yourself. Because you know that's who you are inside. And you shouldn't curb the better and gentle side of yourself just because some people failed to appreciate it.
@aragorn2
Cool poem.
I get whatcha mean, and I don't disagree.
Stuff doesn't have to matter to be fun though. I hope that you find something pointless to laugh at today.
@Torean I know that is what I should do. That is the only thing that makes sense. I know it intellectually, but somehow I cannot shake this apathy of me.
@aragorn2
Did something in particular trigger you to feel like that?
If you know it intellectually, there's hope to get past the dysfunctional aspects.
@Torean just life happened. It’s not just one thing. One needs motivation to keep on fighting and take the punches, fall down and get back up. I lack the motivation.
@aragorn2
Not having the motivation hits deep. One time I spent a year or so being so depressed that I didn't leave home much and just felt like I wanted the pain to stop pretty much all the time.
I feel like one of my tricks nowadays is not thinking much about it. Like, every day, I'll work out, I'll study Spanish on Duolingo, I'll read, I'll play video games, socialize, practice cooking or painting or Kendo... Pretty much all that I can fit in. I really don't think too much about why I'm doing it most of the time, because I know it'll get weird, and nobody wants that. I could probably motivate myself to do something unpleasant with something as small as French fries most days. Deeper down, I could also easily throw myself into a panic attack by thinking of the time I've wasted on someone unworthy or what people say about me despite my hard work.... Or thinking too much about how I really feel about myself and my regrets. I just try not to focus there, because feeling better allows me to become stronger faster.
But it kinda depends on what works for you. My advice would be doing stuff that 1. You enjoy. 2. Is constructive, and you don't dislike, and 3. Stuff that doesn't keep you more alone than you should be. But that's just kind of how it works for me, I don't pretend my methods work best for everyone.
@Torean thanks for sharing that. It’s good advice. I will try to think of something. At the moment nothing comes to mind.
A droplet lies in a sea, everybody understands.
But a sea lies in a droplet, rarely does one understand.
