I feel like I’ve ruined my life at a young age.
I really, honestly think I’ve made things much difficult for myself because of my younger years. I got into university awhile ago, I finished my first year and my best friend asked me to move to London with her, I’ve been friends with her FOREVER, so after some debating, I decided to do so.
Long story short, I moved, she didn’t. I moved to London and changed universities and I HATED it, it was awful, the people were awful so I dropped out of university and I moved back home to my family home. I was surviving off of my savings until I decided to do an apprenticeship in something my mother had convinced me to do awhile back. But after the first few weeks of my apprenticeship, I’ve realised that I hate working with customers and the public in general, the apprenticeship I have has me around customers 24/7 and I have no choice but to smile even though I can feel myself slowly chipping away into nothing once more. I can’t go back to university as it costs too much money and I spent most of it when I went to London university (student finances) and I can’t leave my apprenticeship that I hate because I need the money and the job. I’m really, honestly stuck and I’m not sure what to do. I wake up every day dreading going to work.
@Moomilian
We all have made errors took a path and found it was not the right one.... life happens and takes people down paths that often they may not have chosen at first.
This does not ruin a life.....but i understand why you may feel like that at the moment. sometimes when faced with needing a job you dislike etc The best way I found for me was to create a one day at a time mode to not dread the long term outlook and look for a positive every day.
@Moomilian
Sounds like you have been through a lot. As someone who as also had a really challenging (even painful) time for the past 4 years, I feel for you.
To whatever degree you can, try to be kind to yourself, even if it’s just by paying attention to your self-talk. Perhaps instead of telling yourself that you have ruined your life, you can change your story – and tell yourself that you have survived some really challenging experiences that many of your peers have yet to be faced with in life.
*In this way of thinking, you can actually say your ahead of the pack. Take pride in what you have survived in life (*it shows you have strength.*)💪
Something else I noticed--
Do you feel like you have allowed other people to persuade you with their opinions and choices for your life?
⭐It sounds like you were compelled to move to London more by your friend's apparent choice, and you possibly took a job that was not right for you – by influence of your parent!
(I’m sure both issues were more complicated that what you were able to share-- ) But for myself – I’ve noticed that I REALLY hate when like goes wrong due to the ““good”” advice other other people!
Sometimes I think it would feel better just to ‘make mistakes’, so long as those mistakes at ‘All My Own’, so to speak.
I don’t know if you’ll feel the same way-- but sometimes it really does feel worse, when the same errors that feel like they have ‘messed-up our lives’ -- are actually someone else error in judgment, or someone else’s choice!
Hi @Moomilian,
Reading your post I have noticed that the directions you took in life are often influence by others.
I don't know all the details, but overall a big part of feeling fulfilled or that we progress is to focus on our own goals and what truly animates us, or what feels easy and natural to us.
If you'd like to go back to study, there may be shorter courses, or online courses you might find suit you. Some can be part-time and you might even get a grant. Sometimes the companies you work for can also sponsor you. This would allow you to keep working and provide for yourself, while not spending an impossible amount of money to move to a big city and pay a very expensive rent.
I hope you can find solutions that fit what you want :)
All the best!
@Moomilian
I'm sorry to hear you're in such a tough spot where it feels like you're stuck with the unfortunate consequences of a decision you made. In a way, there's barely anything I could say that would make it better for you, I know.
I hope you find ways to stick to the small things, the small joys and find the energy to take all of this step by step, day by day, until you find a solution or a way to make it all bearable.
Sending hugs! <3