I feel sad and tired

I feel sad and tired. I feel like I don't want to keep pushing. I feel like if I didn't have my cat, I wouldn't be here anymore. I also feel like it is too much for me to keep taking care of her, but I will.

I want to eventually live in Hawaii, but I don't know if I'll make it.

I need for the libraries here to hire me as a paid employee or a volunteer. But I have to wait. They told me they'll contact me in August. I feel like I can't wait. I don't know and that is hard.

I have been sleeping a lot. I almost slept for 24 hours in the past two days.

I have an interview tomorrow and I am afraid they want a full time worker, but I can only work part time. I have disability support from the government and I cannot exceed part time employment.

I feel like I look very old, and I don't want to.

I have put on weight and am having a very hard time taking it off again.

I want to eat a lot and I can't. I can't even afford to.

I'm an alcoholic and use the harm reduction method to control my drinking. Many days I just want to drink. But I don't. I allow myself to have drinks one day per week. Last Friday I drank a lot. That's dangerous for me because I used to get out of control when I got drunk. I have to slow down my drinking even more.

I love you all. Thank you for listening.