If tough love can stop her

I feel bitter. Forgotten. Unappreciated from my little sister. I am scare I may lose her.

My sister turned 18 last fall. 18!!! It was this year, she asked me, is it true that age is just a number and love can be found at any age? This spiral into a deep discussion and her telling me who told her this - it was a 36 years old man from outside the country n also asked for her picture after he asked and she confirmed she was 18. I told her to block him and she told me she already did. It would be a few weeks later when my brother came to me about her sneaky behavior and late phone usage, questioning and blaming me for not knowing what she’s up to. We argued. I defended myself, saying I wouldn’t know what she was up to if she didn’t choose to tell me and I didn’t know she was up late doing sneaky phone chat b/c duh I slept.

I questioned her in February, asking if it was the same man. She jumped back and forth saying it was her male friend from school who had moved and then later saying it was some guy she knew from ***. Once I asked how old this person was - she said 36 - she didn’t have to tell me, I knew it was the same guy. She lied to me. The more I pushed her, the more she ignored me and insisted it was her choice.

In March, she begin telling me she wanna travel because “that is just what writers do to get inspiration and so on.” By the middle of March, she said she wanna go to x country in June, the place where he’s is. Her claim was she was very interest in x country and has someone to take her around. I asked her a bunch of questions and concluded she was ill prepared and out of her mind. She isn’t just young, she’s jobless and does not comprehend the cost require. A few days later, I got ahold of her phone and found she had sent inappropriate pictures to this 36 years old predator. She was using an incognito mode whatever they call it on the *** so I couldn’t scroll up history but I can already tell he was most likely asking for nude picture from her last reply and her file medias history was the tale tale signs that she knew nothing about this man. I told my brother. Without telling her what we knew, he asked if she had sent any inappropriate pictures - no, she said. We confronted her and told her we know. I told her I knew she was lying because she show no interest in x country until now. I somehow got it out of her that it was he who asked her to go see him and she even kept the screenshot of him saying, you come here and no go back. We talked but her answer were, so you guys won’t visit me if I marry him?

At the end of March, she was asking me about passport and if I would take her to submit it. It triggered a series of scolding from me.

Here in April, she came asking me how many postal offices do we have in town. I didn’t know why she ask so I told her. Then she asked if I could take her. Confused I asked, what is she sending and to whom. The word passport came out weakly from her mouth. It triggered another series of lectures from me. Her response was, we can do a safety plan which I am pretty sure was something her therapist suggested since she began asking me again after she had her appointment. I told her, a safety plan isn’t gonna save her. She would be across the ocean in foreign land with language barrier and would be alone. A missing report is the only thing I can do if she stops texting me but by the time they find her if anything bad should go on, it would be too late as the damage would already be done. An hour later, she came to me again and asked for her bank information since she has been receiving my deceased father’s SSDI and the little money I save on the side for her. This ticked me off. I knew what she wants to do with it. So I told her, she’s not getting her bank information until high school is done. She said, she will just take me off her bank. So I lectured her that these are stuff I put aside and kept restricted for her college and expenses after high school. She is given pocket money that is what she will use for food and hang out with her friends. We have been very generous with her. She is very privileged. I n the siblings didn’t grow up with pocket money or saving from my parents. I scolded her that she is so unappreciative to even think of planning to take the money she didn’t work for, the money the family set aside for her, to spend it on a trip to see a man in his mid 30s knowing nothing about him.

I told her straight up, I see issue and do not support their relationship. Age is not just a number in this case. It is not just his age alone, but his behaviors as well. He asks for inappropriate pictures. He encourages her to travel across the country to see him when she is 18!! He doesn’t share anything about his family social life. What little he told her, already says he’s financially struggling while he lives with his family n his brother also working. If two bread earners in the home and they can only afford a 1 bedroom apartment for 4 adults in the most expensive city in the country - this is not a situation I wanna see my sister walks into. My sister said he will save and she will work after marriage. I freak out, telling her, what job can she do in a country she doesn’t speak the language? A scammer? A prostit0te? She doesn’t even wanna go to work with me, how is she gonna handle hard labor? N there is him! He’s 36 and is just gonna start saving now?!!! He’s Muslim and the fact he’s talking to her is already a sin. My brother said it is Ramada or something. His Muslim friend said so. On top of all this, she had medical issue here and there daily or every other days. how is she gonna get care in x country? She is so shelter that she doesn’t even comprehend that medical treatment is gonna be $$$$ without our insurance n when I brought up international health insurance she doesn’t even understand it n think she won’t need it. OMG - it is so frustrating to tell her, u think u don’t need it until you do! Especially with her condition.

At least now we got her to admit, she didn’t care much about the $$ because she plans to stay at his house. Red Flag!!!! In all my frustration I wonder what went wrong. What did I not instill in her that she would not see anything wrong with what is going on now. I stop trying to make reason with her and told her, if she really wants to go give it a year or two. Work and save up. If she still really wanna go in the next few years, then she can go when she is more mature, has some experience in social situations, and money. I hope this would stop her. Idk what else to do if this doesn’t. It was the same with my dad. I couldn’t stop him. When he came back, he was hospitalized and passed in 2024.

my father is deceased. One brother is deceased. Now I feel I am about to lose a little sister. It tears my heart a part and she doesn’t see it.