I had such a bad day
I got attacked by a narcissist, saw all the darkness how no one here is to protect me. I feel scared, I'm living with people who have no empathy for me. My mind feels tight and I feel scared. I feel too lonely and scared.
@seashell145 I'm so sorry to hear that. You can always reach out for listener or browser for listeners who are currently available in your time of need. Or you can go to the support group chats and maybe someone there available might be able to listen to you. Just know you're not alone here! Take care of yourself wherever you are 💙
@compassionateOak202
Thank you Oak! Means a lot. <3
Hi @seashell145, I'm sorry you're going through that. It can be scary living in a place where you're not surrounded by support & empathy, which in turn makes you feel lonely.
I can relate to it as well. Eventually, I plan to cut off my dysfunctional family members, and start a new life with just son & myself in a different continent. Right now, I live with 2nd oldest brother however...he's planning on moving back to our home state with my narc mother with the rest of my brothers, and she's trying to convince me to go. She used to physically & verbally abuse me, along with SA... I know she'll make it difficult on purpose for me, and she'll try to trap me there and maybe not even get to work...idk, but I di know she's overbearing.
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If the narcissists in your life are physically attacking you, please call the cops and put a restraining order on the narc, that's what I had to do with my son's father. It was scary not having a restraining order for the longest time, because it felt I always had to look over my shoulders since he almost killed me.
If they are verbally attacking you, I have some recommended methods on how to deal with that, while you are in vicinity of the narcissist.
I suggest trying the Grey Rock Method: https://www.blunt-therapy.com/how-to-gray-rock-method-a-narcissist/
Basically, you provide very boring answers to the narc, become disengage (no eye contact), and only feed the narcissist certain information. Don't reach to the narc, because that's what they want.
Furthermore, look into go into low-contact(or no contact, depends on how you feel about them) for the sake of your mental health.
If you want to learn more about NPD(Narcissist Personality Disorder), I recommend checking or joining online communities that are well-versed in that and can relate. I started off on the reddit version, called . It explains how the narcissist mind works with the love-bombing, gaslighting, triangulation, etc.Raised by Narcissists
But I don't frequent Reddit anymore, I go to Quora more, you can search for spaces there when dealing with Narcissists :
Narcissistic Mothers and Survivors of Domestic Abuse
Lastly, I recommend talking to a Domestic Violence hotline. Verbally abuse is still considered DV too (just letting you know, I'm not sure which type of abuse you're going through, just wanted to let you know all types are valid). Not sure what country you're from, so if you Google "Domestic Violence Hotline", you should have the options to call, text, or send instant messenger type of messages to a DV representative. They'll talk to you and get you the resources you need. They can even get you into a DV shelter if you need to live somewhere else and be safe.
I recommend looking into alternative housing as well, to escape their abuse. I'm planning on going to a DV shelter rather than moving back to homestate, when my abusive parents live there...
Please be safe out there. You ARE worthy & deserve empathy, love, and support. Take some time to do self-care as well, because you deserve it. Sending good vibes your way. 💙
@ImpudentIncognito
Im not the person who stared the thread but I was moved by the level of detail in your answer. Who ever you are and wherever you are I wish you a new life full of peace, joy and fulfillment. You are worth it too. May your soul shine with compassion with every new challenge. Thank you
I'm always happy to lend a listening ear or impart advice(if wanted). I frequent the Sharing Circle Group to provide that and occasionally here. I just know how it feels like when...when you feel like you're drowning alone with no help. I want to be the person that I needed when I was going through tough times and had no one, but be that person for everyone who needs it.
Also, you're very sweet Julia, thank you so much.~💙
I'm still going through some tough situations right now, but pulling through it.
@ImpudentIncognito
Such a nice reply. this is like the best reply I got in 7cups. The grey rock method sounds so useful, thank you for it. I have been trying something like this for a while but lost track. Now I know for sure this method is valid.
My abuse isn't physical, just a lot of pressure and verbal abuse. as if me existing is a sin. I have to please them to exist. My sister is abusive to me too but her husband is the narcissist, and a few days ago he slapped her. I keep thinking why she didn't divorce him. He is increasing pressure day by day. So the domestic violence service will be helpful to her.
The services aren't good in my country. Even if there are some, they are just names. The law system isn't good in my country. We don't have therapists either. I don't have money for online therapy either.
I'm working really really hard to get out of this situation. I just feel like I could use some support. Any support. I keep getting rejected. People say I have to do it alone, or something like that. I have stopped trying out of shame.
But I spend a lot of time self caring like journaling, meditation yoga, spending time outdoors etc. Most of my day is painful self care.
Today and yesterday has been more difficult for time of the month.
Finally, I'm so sorry, you have gone through more than I did. Yesterday I realized what my sister went through on daily basis with him, such an unreasonable hurtful person.
I learned that my sister's husband is a narcissist by reading the same description on quora.
Anyway thank you so much for your kind and resourceful comment. You are a really strong, smart and kind person. I wish you all the best, may you do well in life. You touched my heart.
I am happy to be of help and feel honoured that you see it as the best reply you've received here. ☺️ For grey rock, I've heard of alternatives methods, like "medium chill", so it's not as suspicious if you suddenly stop talking much about your life or become more "boring". If I do this to certain narcs in my life, they'll get triggered, others won't. Just depends on how they are and what mood their in...
Verbal abusing is weary on the mind after awhile. Tbh, sometimes I rather my mother hit me than verbally abuse me, because verbal abuse broke my mind and spirit... (Though both abuses are equally bad ... ) I'm sorry both you and your sister are going through this, and that she's taking it out on you. It is not right of her to take that out on you by the way, no matter how she's is currently being treated. You are human too, and are worth of support, love, and respect.
It's good that you are proactive in trying to get yourself out of that solution, and taking healthy outlets such as journaling, meditation yoga, spending time outdoors and such.
You don't have to do this alone.
If you need anything, there are people to help.
If I were around, I would definitely do my best to help you out.
I'm currently not in the best situation, as I'm on the brink of homelessness and unemployed, but hoping to get that resolved quickly. I have backups, ideas, plans.
Not sure what country or continent you're in, but perhaps see if you can got to a refugee center or get a work visa to get out of the country and go to somewhere more supportive.
I'm currently in the USA, and feel lonely. My family is around the world (ex. Spain, France, Mexico, Canada, Germany, etc) and I want to get out of here. The USA family is the abusive one for me when mother migrated here...
You can also try a "Go Fund Me" or websites similar to people in your situation. People will donate money so they can help you get out of that situation and you can be safe(as well as your sister, if she is willing to get out of situation. It may take her time, and that's OK. It's hard sometimes for us DV survivors to separate from our abusers, because of the methods the abuser uses to trap us like threats or blackmail or lure us in by love-bombing us and making "changes" until they revert back to being abusive.)
I sincerely everything goes well for you, I really do. It hurts my heart that you have to go through this situation, nobody should be abused like that. I hope your life gets better and you're away from the toxicity!
@ImpudentIncognito
Thank you for such a kind reply. I'm so sorry you are on the brink of homelessness and unemployed, your situation seems even more stressful. My home is stressful but I don't have fear to lose roof over my head. My heart goes out to you too, especially because you endured such a lifetime of chronic abuse. What do you mean by you have families around the world? Do you have relatives?
My sister doesn't want to get out of this situation. We don't have much jobs here, like menial jobs which help you before you prepare for a better job. You can't move out of the house because females can't live alone. And our villagers are really abusive towards us. She goes around pleasing people because otherwise people would be mean to her for her marital situation. I am unmarried and most villagers spread rumors that I have some brain problem, need to see doctors to get married. It's really stressful. But I don't give up. I too plan to escape this place, no matter how long it takes.
She doesn't have the initiative. She isn't aware that her husband is not a normal person, that she deserves any better. She thinks she did the right thing all those years and is still doing the right thing. Takes out her anger on young helpless children because in her eyes children have low status. I have low status in her eyes too. But if I gain a stable financial situation she'll pressure me to take her responsibility financially because of cooking for us and looking after the family all these years. Nowadays she doesn't even cook, mostly does her own work to support her sons education like sewing, teaching kids while abusing them, raising cows and selling cow milk. But I still have to take the heat, I get stressed even if I see her. And her two boys. They seem to enjoy spreading their territory around us, and I can't say anything because it's my parents house.
She doesn't even want to get rid of her husband, she babysits him, does everything needed to keep the peace. But she seems mad at me for not helping her out when she slaves for her husband. Like, I'm a girl, I should be working and reducing her stress. I feel so guilty for not being able to contributing to the housework. I just feel so overwhelmed it's hard for me to go through the day. And then after verbal abuse I just spend the day managing my emotions so I don't lash out. Communication is fruitless they don't listen to me when I say I'm being hurt. She thinks she's always right and steamrolls me with her opinions and discards me. If I lash out I get even bigger punishment later. I wonder how I got myself into this situation.
Her son was abusive to us for the covid period, even to her narc husband and she said what he said was right. She seems to feel really good about life if she can suppress me and keep me down. She feels happy if I'm on my 'place'. She thinks I'm a spoiled brat for standing up for myself. And then there are some times where I simply lash out, these can be used against me but I don't want to lash out. I want to communicate, but their discard causes even more emotional pain.
Honestly I see no hope for me because it's hard to study in this environment. I'm often scared I'll get sick and lose my progress again. I also fear people at home will disturb me before interview or important exam so I won't be able to escape just like I couldn't the last time.
But sometimes these thoughts leave me and I feel hopeful.
I'm sorry I wrote so much hope you don't feel annoyed with me.
@seashell145
I have been doing tiny housework just to feel like I'm doing something. But they don't appreciate it that much.
Thank you for your kindness dear soul. May you have safe environment too, I feel really bad for your situation because stressing about home feels so painful. Hope your situation gets better.
@seashell145
Also I have injury so can't do all kinds of work. Have to use methods to do things that I could do thoughtlessly before.
@seashell145
Always reach out. You are not alone in this. There are resources out there to help you navigate the situation. Never ever ever lose agency. Thats your birthright.
@JuliaJ2022
I just don't know where to reach out. I have tried so many things I fail to get support. If someone tells me to seek support I wonder if it is me who isn't doing enough or is my situation really bad.
You are not alone! I'm sorry you went through all that. I'm here if you need to talk.
@seashell145
Oh it's horrible. Get out as soon as you can - if you can escape to a hotel, motel, friend's house, get the support and safety as fast possible. Wishing you the very best <3 When dealing with the narcissist, ignore and avoid as much as you can - I hope you have a safe space where you can go alone to calm, meditate, and plan your way forward.
@ZoraK
Thank you, I'm trying my best. And I don't think it's that bad, I don't know if I'm feeling more intensely or if it's just bad. I'll need to reflect on this later years. I miss my brother who used to be my shade but now he doesn't give a damn about me.
@seashell145 I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through. Please try to walk off the beaten path, or ask a community group near you if they can help. I hope your future will always be safe. I wish you a better tomorrow.
@lexydong
Thank you lexy.
@seashell145
Sorry to hear that you are feeling bad. I know how it feels when no one around you understand your feelings. I hope you will find the one that understands you and is happy to be with you. I hope you have a nice day :)
@magnoliahua
Thank you Magno, your support means a lot. May you find happiness too, may your day be filled with ease. Lots of love <3
@seashell145
I don't want to think about this anymore, especially suggestions to leave the place etc. I'm trying my best, thank you. I just need support to feel like I'm not alone.
