I'm new here

Hello everyone,my name is peachu (it's not my real name)

I'm 21 year old,i don't know anything about this app and how it works it's my first post here

I hope,i don't make mistake

Well the reason why I'm here,cause I'm struggling with mental health(that's what I say I guess cause I don't know what's really happening with me)

Last four years were really tough,but last year was more difficult for me to deal but I'm still trying

I'm dealing with things,i don't know whether to consider them mental health issues or as nothing

Sorry,it's little hard for me to open up

Years of bottling up everything,made me distant and closed off but I still feel my emotions i just don't know how to feel when someone try to show care,comfort or anything good

Very few people were able to make me feel like it's worth to be here,but now I'm kinda lost

I'm doing what is important to do,but at what cost?? I'm tired and I'm scared too

I'm worried for my career,while I'm dealing with all these thoughts

Things have happened in past,in recent too and I'm just not understanding how to feel ok this time

I'm scared that something will go wrong again,as usual but I'll try but still,I'm so alone and i don't even feel anything much I would love to feel numb,in this way i will not feel anything at all but I feel other emotions with no comfort ,I'm sorry I'm bad at explaining myself I have never done this things with anyone

I'm very shy,emotional person and im dealing with ptsd symptoms, anxiety,panic attacks,family issue, financial issue,career stress, relationship issue,numbness and everything looks unreal to me idk why but for now that's all I'll say

I'll try to be a good listener too, whatever you all guys want to say to me let me know

I'm friendly,but sorry I don't feel closeness and i feel distant too as I said so it makes it difficult for me to feel anything and react in better way,i might look more stubborn (I think i am but it's not in bad way) and one more thing,please don't show sympathy i don't like it