Im tired. some love would be great.

⚠️‼️TRIGGER WARNING ON PARAGRAPH 3, FIRST 2 PARAGRAPHS ARE FINE!!‼️⚠️

Im so tired honestly. physically and emotionally. i feel lost at sea with no way out. i dont need self help, ive done it tried it, but its like telling someone "go make cake without the eggs" is not helpful when u dont have a support. its so weird how ppl make this picture of someone who is "healthy" not needing anyone, always giving, always taking care of themselves, always resileint , always postive, always productive- that is not human. i worry sometimes ill post and someone will be toxic positive and say 'just focus on urself' if this wouldve helped i wouldve been happy 4 months ago dude. I do need support and people, when u have a family u go to the with whatever , even small things. When u dont, well its horrible u have to deal with a lot of crank by urself n its harder when no one rlly taught u how. Its so cruel. I wish i had a hug, i feel horrible. I think ppl forget that sometimes u get lost at storm and u cant help urself, ur not gonna tell someone with a injured leg to help themselves? no they go tot he doc, and they ahve support from others. same with emotions i just hate how ppl create these rules and then u are afraid to ask for what u need. Id say and i will always say, help while the storm is small before the storm becomes a tragedy. Im also so sick and tired of telling ppl the same things over and over so before u reply pls read the warning on the top of my bio, thank u. 

Maybe im just trying to find a  family, but the way some ppl in the healing space act, they act as if u cant be human, 'be sad but dont be so sad u need extra care, be anxious but dont be so anxious u cant trust urself, and dont come for me for that' ._. I wish i could somehow be more gentle on me but i have to say, im doing all i can in my situation and no one should be managing all of this alone and also be treated like theyre not human, every human needs love, care, compassion and reassurance. 

honestly all of these make me feel low and ‼️⚠️(TW!: Mentions of SI and SH ideations.)‼️⚠️ All of this has made me have S Ideations and SH thoughts. its hard to reach out too, been dissapointed so much and dont feel truly loved there (spaces where u deserve love) and atp ur just so stuck in freeze merged with flight that u cant help but ignore ur feelings and keep moving even tho it makes the feelings grow, like ink, ever seen the alcohol + sharpie thing where the ink leaks everywhere quickly? yeh. i will reach out to the hotline, i hope the consulor i have will be compassionate, and i hope these meloncholy thoughts ease soon, cus these thoughts can also appear as intrusive thoughts or ideations, like also sad SI narration in the back of my mind. 'what if?' or 'imagine' idk. ill be getting a new Therapist soon so i hope we can have a good relationship cus i need a human one, not closed one.