I need to release 19 years of trauma......

It started when I was 18....dated a boy who had me convinced that sex was not rape if 2 people were together. Heavy manipulation....I ended up pregnant and had no support or even a clue about motherhood! I managed to do what I could for her first 10 months but was failing. I ended up letting a family adopt her. She's 18 now and we have a great relationship.

3 years later I meet a guy. Had no clue what kind of monster he was! Ended having my second child. 5 years with him and not a day went by that I wasn't beat on or raped! He stole my son one day, I called for help and was told that since we were not married, it was totally legal! It's been nearly 11 years since I've seen him.

2011...met another guy. Same situation, abused for nearly 7 years!! Had 2 kids....2018, my sister died, I took my kids and moved to Arizona for a year. Came back and their dad started his crap all over again! My mental health declined so bad I actually agreed to letting him take custody because I was an angry mom, yelled constantly and they didn't deserve that. I do see them alot though.

2019, I lost my step dad. 2021, lost my grandpa and just this past March, my grandma. With in the year I have been diagnosed with bipolar, panic and anxiety. Ptsd. Depression and schizophrenia.....my life is pretty much a monotony day to day cycle. The past lingers and i have no idea who I am anymore or how to be happy.........